Hey!
It�s Valentine�s day (night)� I have been slinging �crap as my public alter ego Dupe to keep the people who peruse the free site happy. There are times when I hate having to write everything in the third person, and keep that distance. There is so much crap going on right now� and it�s weird to be writing to the public about some of it. The Public, well, is that what you are gentle readers? There are quite a few members out there, but not so many that you guys have blended into one yet, not so many that you have become faceless. There are specific ones of you that come to mind while I write this� but I don�t want that to change what I write. Let me catch you up.
In the last journal I mentioned that I was getting on the plane to Berlin the next day. I kept a diary of my trip, and took over two hundred pictures, I am transcribing the trip diary� and organizing the photos and the movies� Let me just tell you this, I had an amazing time. It was completely NOT like I expected it to be, and absolutely wonderful. There are lots of stories to tell. Both for the edification of my fans and for my own personal history, I am going to keep my memories stored here on the site. But I�m going to put it all in a new section, and add other trips as I take them, so stand by. I cannot leave you without some photos� and some stories. I will put them in later on in the journal.
In other news:
Wow, It�s interesting how this Journal gets written, It is now 3 days later than when I started it. My computer is on constantly, and this document has been sitting topmost on my machine to guilt me into completing it. It is now Wednesday morning (well, morning for seven more minutes anyway) we had a tough three-day weekend, and right now I am nursing a hangover. I have recently taken a break from drinking. I had some scary events in Florida that made me think perhaps it was time. I haven�t quit drinking, just taking a break. Here are some of the revelations from this:
I like to drink, probably too much
It has become too much part of my lifestyle
Bars and dance clubs are both much more interesting and far more boring when sober
I really hate being hung over, which is funny since I spend sooo much time that way.
I WANT to drink, that has been the hardest part� when I come home I see that bottle of wine there and I WANT to have a glass� this in itself is enough reason to quit.
Riki had some misadventures on or about his birthday related to our too intense partying lifestyle� he has quit drinking, perhaps for good. I had some misadventures, so I quit for a month (mostly to break the cycles) and drank on my Valentines date (more on that later) and last night with Jef and Sharon. Last night was brought on mostly by stress� Damn you Brandy! Sitting here with the broken head from last night I am thinking that I may have to extend this break some. It has actually been really nice lately not having to worry about dodging cops on the way home, or doing/saying anything stupid. Not drinking certainly has its advantages.
Okay so here is the most interesting thing going on right now: I am in love.
Two years ago I met this girl, this extraordinary girl. She was just supposed to be a fling, a �one-night-stand� but I found that I wanted to spend all of my time with her. I had her fly out to Atlanta, Minnesota, and Charlotte, and drove her down to Florida for our big �Halloween Horror Night� adventure. I was supposed to winter here in Phoenix with her two winters ago� but there were some other issues in her life that prevented it. She had started seeing this other fellow, and her career stated taking off. Last year during this AZ show, I saw her twice. Once at the very beginning of the show, to return some of her stuff, and once just before I left town just to say goodbye- didn�t quite work out that way.
There is something about this girl, guys� something in her eyes, her smile. Something in how I feel when I am with her, our communication, sounds pretty bad eh?
When I went to say goodbye last year, that connection was still there. That spark, that indefinable element. As I was leaving I told her that there was a big part of me that just wanted to tell her to �stop being an idiot, follow your heart and run away with me� She said �There is a part of me that wants you to� So I did.
I was all the way back in Louisiana, on my way to Florida for the Largo show. I was actually shopping with my Mother when I get a phone call; it was Brandy� �I�m coming to you,� she said.
The plan was she would come out to join me for the Largo show, then the last weekend of the largo show, then during Atlanta, then later in Atlanta. She actually went so far as to buy the plane ticket� but never got on the damn plane. I was of course hurt and disappointed, I asked her why; she told me that she didn�t want to be running away from her life and to me just because things were difficult at home. She wanted to come to me as a choice, not an escape.
All last year we maintained contact, talking all the time. We have great communication, are amazing friends. And all this time the possibility has remained of she and I actually taking this to the next level.
So here is where it is now: I love her, She loves me, we are good friends, and she likes my lifestyle, sounds perfect right? Here�s the rub: She has two very big complications:
She has the perfect dream job, the job she has always wanted,
Oh, and she is already dating someone.
Well I couldn�t make it easy, could I?
I gets better: Brandy is a dancer, I had to ask her to clarify that when she is around me. She is an absolutely beautiful girl, very tan, manicured nails, When you say dancer, around me, and with that kind of looks, people automatically assume �Stripper�.
Brandy is a ballroom dance instructor, and Salsa dancer. The guy she is dating is also her dance partner.
Brandy has the same sort of passion for dancing that I have for being a Tortuga. She has been teaching since she was sixteen. She joined this new troupe just before she came out to visit me in Charlotte year before last. She has learned a whole new style of dancing and now gets to perform at shows throughout this area of the west. She has even formed her own performance team. The guy who leads the troupe became her dance partner, and later her boyfriend. (Which is why she didn�t have me come out to live with her last winter)
She loves me. She is maybe as nuts about me as I am about her. She told me just the other night that if the choice were simply between me, and this other guy, I would win hands down. There is no competition. She loves me. One of her big fears is that if she does choose me, she�ll stay with me for the rest of her life. I am her dream guy.
So which does she choose? She knows that guys like me come along only once in a lifetime, but this is her dream job, this too only comes along once in a lifetime. I really understand the passion to perform. To me it is more important than almost anything. Even for this girl, I wouldn�t give-up being a Tortuga Twin� so I wouldn�t expect her to give up dancing. I am also fair, and her friend foremost, if she really loved this guy, and he was good enough to her, I would bow out. Or if the idea of living on the road would leave her unhappy, I would bow out. But she thinks she CAN be happy living like we do.
AAAAAAAAIIgh!
So I wait to see what choice she is going to make. And it�s driving me batshit crazy.
Believe me folks, when I know more, you guys will know more� so if you would be so kind as to not flood my e-mail with advice and whatnot. I am doing everything I can think of to make this work with the girl� and one-way-or-another, everything will eventually be okay.
What else? What have I done since my last post that I need to catch you up on?
I went down to the Florida Keys to visit an old friend of mine. Weather and other factors conspired to prevent me from diving, sigh. But since my friend is now a conservator with the Mel Fisher Organization I DID get to hold artifacts from the bottom of the ocean. I got to hold a crossbow, and a sword that were recovered from Spanish wrecks that sank four or six hundred years ago� how cool is that?
My two favourite moments from my Trip to Berlin: Standing in the Snow in the formerly communist section of Berlin, arm-in-arm with this beautiful female friend of mine who had been born in the communist east, and was eighteen the night the wall came down. She gave me perspectives I could never have gotten anywhere else. We were standing in front of this huge monument (Ernst Thalman, some �people�s hero�) and she brought to my attention how extraordinary it was to be together in this place. When she was growing up, I was the enemy. Wow!
My other favourite moment, I had dinner with Henry Thomas, the Actor who played �Elliot� the little boy from E.T. It just so happens he is friends with the guy I was staying with, and happened to be in Berlin when I was � How cool is that?!
My truck got rear-ended about two days after I got back from Berlin, Some idiot just plowed into it� Progressive insurance has put everything right however.
The trip out here was the longest trip with the new trailer, GOD I love it. It tows so easily, it is almost a pleasure to drive. And no matter if I am in a Rest area in Texas, or a Wal-Mart parking lot in New Mexico, I still sleep every night in MY own bed.
Guys TortugaPalooza is taking up all of our creative energy right now. You kids will love it.
If you remind me nicely, next time I will tell you about getting locked in the closet with Brandy, at the restaurant on our Valentine�s date�
I think I will checkout now; I�ll include some more photos� but just a few
Ciao for now
Ronn
