Andy our web-taskmaster has complained and required that I not start off this journal with the line: "It is crunch time" again... besides to be completely honest, it is well past crunch time and into smash, crumple, and light tinkle of glass time (I don't know what that means, but it sounded cool)
It is late Sunday, I sit in my trailer waiting for our last show to roll around. I have to leave in just a few minutes, perform, then back to more writing. It has been a hectic, busy trying and rewarding time since last we met here in my journal.
Did I mention I am late? This journal was supposed to be in by Friday night... I called Andy and begged his indulgence. I would feel better if Riki hadn't already gotten his journal in; Jef, I am sure I will beat. [Actually, for I think the first time ever, Jef had his in two days before you. Sorry dude -AB]
This is our third or fourth three day weekend in a row, if you count 'Palooza. So what am I doing tomorrow, to celebrate the time off? Flying out to visit Heather.
I start most of my journals by collecting photos from the last month, getting notes out of the mini-recorder, visiting last month's journal to see where I left off - and then drawing something like an outline... all of that is done, now I just have to write the damn thing.
When last we left our intrepid adventurer, He was preparing for the none-to-soon arrival of his much-missed girlfriend. I am actually rather surprised at something. How can I have grown so stinkin' dependent upon this woman so damned soon? I have gone for YEARS without needing anybody - and now I get grouchy, and aggravated when she's not around.
Heather was scheduled to arrive on the Friday before Halloween, which, complicatedly enough was also the evening of Boo and Broo... For those who don't know, Boo and Broo is a Halloween themed event thrown the Friday before Halloween at the Carolina Renaissance festival. They bring in lights, and music, and fog machines and huge illuminated floating globes that look like the moon come close to the ground.
Boo and Broo is also the event where the Tortugas have chosen to preview their new shows. Last year we premiered the Pirate show (which is MUCH different than when we wrote it btw). This year we rewrote our original Edwina show (a variant of the Cinderella story) and we should have it ready to go by AZ.
The party is fun, the shows we do are supposed to be adult. There is drinking, scantily clad costumed girls... a rip-roaring good time.
The only problem was that Heather worked earlier that day, she couldn't fly in till 7pm.
Boo and Broo opened at 7pm!
I asked a good friend to go pick up my sweetie for me, Time passed, we did our first show... the premier - she missed it 🙁
a little more time passed and we did our second show.
Before we go on - I would like to mention something special we did; We have made these awesome new friends The Defeos (Kelly and Frank) I will write more about them in a bit, but I do want to mention that it was Kelly's birthday, so we picked her to be our 'Edwina' surprised and pleased the hell out of her, and made Frank's night!
 Lookin' pretty darned good |
Anyway, We finish our second show - the whole time I am scanning the darkness, scanning the crowd for my hot little Asian babe - and don't see her. I sign some autographs, and chat with some fans, constantly peering into the darkness looking for Heather - no avail. Then I am approached by a hot and mysterious Red head... Heather had donned a sexy wig, done her make-up a little differently and looked utterly amazing.
We Tortugas were dressed in tuxedos for this event (there are photos and videos around somewhere... I'll eventually find 'em) so with the hot exotic babe on my arm I really looked the part of international spy!
Heather had even more surprises up her sleeve later that night; as I was finishing paperwork on site she got a little dressed-up and surprised me when I returned home looking pretty darned good!
I am a happy man.
 Hey, GI - me love you long time |
We had a lot of fun during that trip. Heather put together this lovely costume for me... She loves the idea of her man dressed-up, and or in drag/make-up... (See, I am as perfect for her as she is for me.) And she thought it would be amausing to have me dress as a Geisha for Halloween... I LOVED the idea, but only on the condition that she dressed as a US GI. And I went as her war-bride! She went to all the trouble, had the kimono made, brought wig, and hair appliances, did my make up, (I had to take the hit on the crappy foundation, I brought the wrong stuff!) and she looked pretty hot as well. We went to a nearby nightclub, with the intention of entering the costume contest - Jef did and won - but the wig I was wearing was so tight it gave me migraine like symptoms, before and hour was up, I was nauseous, in pain, and could barely see! We have made some adjustments to the wig, and don't be surrpised if you see the girl and I in an improved version of this outfit for AZ's funky formal!
There is a lot to like, and love about Heather... do I talk about her too much? Believe me when I say she is the most perfect match for me. Nerdy, funny, sexy, dramatic, silly, strong... smart as hell... I'm gonna do my damndest to keep her.
I am more sympathetic with Jef, and why (and how) He and Sharon sometimes argue... Heather and I have squabbled a few times... and the root cause of it all is just that we really miss each other. We have become like a drug to one another... and we get crabby, and irrational when we can't get our fix.
But I argue differently than I ever have, with her. In the past it was always an ultimatumn, "Fix it or I am leaving" - or somesuch. With Heather it is "Let's fix this", or "This isn't worth fighting over..." Huh.
She dresses up for me, just for fun, she's brilliant and silly... and doesn't put up with my shit. I also have to stay on my toes because Sharyn (Layna), Kay Kinsey, and everyone else adore her... and they'd slaughter me if I screwed this up or hurt her... gulp!
I was very sad to put her on the plane... and have been counting the days until I see her again.
More cool stuff that happened in Charlotte:
Often we acquire new fans, new followers... and often we get invites to dinner, or home cooking. I honestly think some people imagine we are living in tents, eating beans out-of-a-can. In Charlotte, a very bright, very enthusiastic, slightly new fan hopped onboard our crazy train. His parents, though a bit apprehensive of our influence, indulged the lad, they liked our show as well. To make a long story short; we ended-up with new friends and a GREAT new place to eat. If you are in the Charlotte area, head north on I-85 until you get to Spencer. Go downtown until you find 518 south Salisbury Ave go to the Pinocchio's Italian Restaurant. The Grouchy Chef, (Guiseppe) was sweet. The food and atmostphere were fabulous. [I wanted to post a link to their website, but it was down when I was editing this journal entry - it would be at http://www.pinocchiosofspencer.com. I'm posting it in case it's ever active again. If anyone goes there, give them my email address and maybe I can start webmastering for them, too - AB]
Our new fan Kain and the whole Aitken clan were simply wonderful to us. I had some interesting conversations with Kain's mom, the family was raised in some truly beautiful and unique ways... and have some refreshing views on parenting and education that I truly admire... Kain, give this message to your mom: write me more, we would LOVE to come back again.
 The Aitken Clan |
 Pinocchio's Grouchy Italian Chef |
 Riki and Kain |
We're qualified for that!
 Jef won prizes for Angie at the Meet and Greet |
I'm sitting here on a Monday morning, getting ready to fly out to KC and visit with my Heather. I think back on the past month, and it is all such a blur. We have been busy, and in way too many venues. This weekend was the third three day weekend in a row for the Tortugas... and just a little befre that the Charlotte Meet and Greet. Old friends and new came out to play, We did yet another fan interview, (nice job by the way baby!) which should be posted soon right here on Tortugatwins.com - for members only!
Also... we cemented, (as in boots, see?) our friendship with ... well with an interesting 'family'.
 Frankie D and us boys |
A few years ago at the Charlotte show, the fellow we picked as our... "center of attention" was part of a large, raucous group of obvious transplants... Hard-core New Jersey accents were the dead give-away... because this journal is already late, and running long, I'll cut to the chase... here three (or is it four) years later, Frank Defeo, "Frankie D" is one of our biggest fans and supporters in town, and now we also count him as friend, (and his wife, And her dad, our "uncle"... who scares us all just a bit.) I'm from 'Joisey', so this is a little familiar to me... but these guys are funny, tough, no nonsense, vulgar, partiers... in other words, our kind of people. Frank Sports a shiny pate these days, but we've seen pictures (hehehehe) And his lovely wife Kelly, who as a birthday surprise, we picked to be our inaugural 'Edwina' had what can safely be described as "big hair"... Ahh, the eighties - what the hell we're we thinking. All The Twins have adopted the Defeo clan as family ... The guy is connected, and can get/do/havedone just about anything... but it's his unique charm, that make his family (you got a fuckin' problem with dat?)
Got to say, LOVE Charlotte, and the crowds... and the locals. We party a little more here, we pay for less meals and drinks (thanks Cory!) all at the time when I am at my personal busiest... whew.
I got very little time for socializing, I did manage a lunch with Naomi - who's doing VERY interesting things right now. But not much else...
Oooh wait almost forgot Cirque du Soleil... Both Jef and I are huge fans... I have probably seen like six or eight shows (lets see; Dralion, Zumanity, Mystere, La Nouba, Allegria, Quidam... and now this one... and I might have forgotten some) Our fan club Prseident was cool enough to score some tickets - and share them with us, I was the only Tortuga available, Heather was out of town, SO... I took a hot blonde as my date... Muggsy (the guy who was the vegetable vengeance fellow for years, and now is Ded Bob) What a wonderful time. Muggsy was VERY skeptical at first... "Oh look, I'm going to see art" but was very quickly won over by Cirque's magic.
Which brings us along to the next topic, The third, and final Palooza show for 2005.
There were lots of ups and downs getting to the Charlotte show... we cancelled it, then moved it to a much smaller, and cheaper house, then sold the fuckin' place out in 4 weeks - with no advertising, and barely any mention at the festival.
 Jef accessing the backstage secure facility |
 A hero, surprised |
 An evil villain, and his creative process |
There was a huge scramble for last minute tickets, what a wonderful feeling that was. All manner of tricks were tried, bribes were offered... tickets were sold on ebay even.
The theater was smaller and less grandiose than the one we originally picked... but worked just fine. I will admit to walking over to the original house and casting some wistful, longing glances thereupon... The crowd for the show was wonderful ... though a bit more rowdy than the other performances we've done this year... The dancers were a joy, the show was a joy... the video will be ready soon (from the MN show, not NC) and I cannot wait to see it.\
The after party was again a blast... food drinks and rowdy fans... a long drive home, and then up the next morning for the final weekend of NC.
Wow.
NC went well, and charmingly... and we cannot wait to return their next year.
My original plan was to drive down to Louisiana, drop off my trailer and cat, and then ride share with Jef to FL for the pirate show, and crash on his couch... and rideshare back to trailer and cat with Riki... but the plans got changed... trailer repairs (again, but nothing major this time) required that I drive down to Florida... stay in the same RV park I always do... which is nice since I won't be wintering there this year at all... here is an observation from that leg of the trip:
As I drive over the Courtney Campbell causeway, (I've written about it before) I once again feel like I am coming home. I also have, in the past written about all of the development out here, the huge condominiums, the restaurants and hotels. I have said, jokingly; that all it was going to take was one hurricane to turn all of this into a vast empty sandbar. But now, after seeing what a storm can do; if I had property here, I would sell right away. Certainly before the next hurricane season.
 Guess who picked the cute Asian volunteer at PirateFest? |
The pirate show has vastly improved over last year... though we are still having problems getting the check to clear the bank...
Our good friend Kevin was in charge of selling our Merchandise - Thank you Mr. McDermott. The shows went well... Our original Über-Fan saw some of our shows (and tipped very well) Thanks Bob!
I got to stay in Clearwater for a few days... had to help my brother with an errand, but he got me a GREAT deal on some new tires... we're still not 'good', Richard and I... but I am slowly allowing him some small foot back in the door.
I got a dinner with my best friend John, and his lovely, pregnant wife Luz, and lunch with my former sweetie Ann, and her adorable daughter Katie. Heather has been having a little child visit her in KC... the daughter of her roommates boyfriend, and having the little girl around is making her ovaries twitch... er, which is to say the bell on her biological clock was ringing... (she wants to have kids... for the dense folks in the crowd) But when I saw how A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E-!!! Katie was, even MY ovaries twitched.
Finally it was off to New Orleans. Hammond, The Louisiana Fenaissance Festival. Things have been going GREAT there. The maze is making record money, and my Test Of Strength is raking it in, too. It will be a while before the Test has paid-off its initial investment... but I have moolah coming in again, and won't have to wait tables this winter.
Here is an observation on my trip to Louisiana:
My house is under water! But not like those poor bastards in New Orleans... I just drove my house and truck through a tunnel in Mobile bay... which means my house was underwater.
An another:
Three months plus after Katrina hits, there are still signs of damage, but far more signs of regrowth. Signs advertising shows at casinos that do not exist... Some casinos are advertising their reopening... just in time for New Year.
The Thanksgiving celebrations were fine, one with the hippies at the fair, the second with the much esteemed Jamie Hauser and clan... a lovely evening with friends and drinking and eating and stories... One of the Limey Birds told a lovely story about milking a goat.
 What ego! |
 We're just going out to a movie, I swear |
Now you may ask why there are no photos taken by me from the trip to Florida - because of a mishap with my swanky digital camera, and London's cat bowl in my truck during travel. I would LOVE to blame the Kitty... but it was just a sharp turn and bad placement of the camera... sigh. I'll get a new one before the next journal is due.
As I finish this, I sit in Heather's bedroom in KC... I needed to get some... company (hehehe). As I arrived, to see my hot babe waiting at the gate (sneaky girl pretended to not be there on the phone). Snow was falling from the sky, yet somehow she has talked this Florida fellow into wintering here... In Arctic KC for the winter... Yes, she's just that good, and good at it!
I am here to celebrate a second week of Thanksgiving with her friends and family - I get to be reintroduced to her dad tonight - Friday I fly back out to finish the Louisiana show, then I am back here in two weeks.
Christmas will be lovely here... with her. And last night we went to look at the pretty lights.
I have to go surprise my love with flowers now, so let me leave you with these questions from fans, and a flight of fancy:
Suppose...just suppose you hadn't been fortunate enough to meet up with Riki and Jef (many, many years ago)...what do you think you would be doing now?
Impossible to say. My solo show could have developed or crashed, I could have pursued a stand-up career... or I might have drifted out of this life. I cannot even guess. I am not the same person that I was... so how could I know? What opportunities have I missed?
Have you ever thought about grabbing some young talent, honing their talents and letting them help pay the bills? I am talking about another Ren act
Funny you should ask this, we are developing a 'B' Team, a second set of Tortugas this year.
What's you're favorite thing/tradition about Christmas?
I love buying presents, and watching those I love open them... though I worry all the time. I love eggnog, and it's not Christmas if you don't watch the movie Scrooged at some time.
Finally -Â on my soapbox:
Indulge me for a minute, in a flight of fantasy... I put this out here, so if it happens, I look prescient. So if it happens you can say "Damn he's good!" I further put this out here to put your life at risk - because if I am right, the forces of evil will want to do you in for knowing too. I put this out here because this is just how my mind works - the connections it makes on long cross-country drives.
When I was younger, I believed in a lot of things that I am much more skeptical of now; Loch Ness Monster, certainly, Devil's Triangles - probably. UFOs - I hope... I look at all the evidence, such as it is, a lot more critically now, I cannot say I have completely separated myself from all that is fantastic. I'd love to think that there is something out there that I don't know, or understand... but it is harder now. I am HARDLY a proponent of 'conspiracy theories' that being said...
I believe this is what happened and what will happen - I used to believe it was Halliburton that was calling all the shots - especially in this Iraq Fiasco. Remember that before the failed Texas oil man and the former CEO of Halliburton got into power that gas was down around a dollar or a buck-and-a-half a gallon. 'Cause I do. Like I said, I used to think it was Halliburton... In all evil to find the source, follow the money. Who benefited (and is benefiting still) the most from our war. Halliburton and KBR are making zillions in contracts and whatnot. Security, construction, support... Zillions. They're making a killing - pardon the pun. But this chilling though occurs after my $120.00 fill up.
Who has the largest Oil supplies in the world? Saudi Arabia. Who has (had) the second biggest oil reserve in the world? Saddam's Iraq. We had Hussein bottled up, contained. But he still was able to sell his oil... Dump a lot of cheap oil from his vast supplies onto the market - in the much maligned Oil-for-food program.
This helped keep theprice control out of the Saudi's hands.
Three years ago we went to War. I don't know if I am the only one who remembers this, but originally when we went into Iraq, one of the selling points (besides all the obvious lies about WMDs and Yellow-cake uranium) was that Iraq would be able to pay for its own reconstruction. Check your way-back machine, remember they told us that with Iraq's vast Oil supplies freed up to go onto the market our price at home for gasoline would drop back down to less than a dollar a gallon.
Gas, sure-as-fuck is not less than a dollar-a-gallon!
In fact, Iraq's once-thriving-though-antiquated oil industry is largely in shambles constantly on-the-fritz. Their capacity is low and the oil doesn't really seem to be going anywhere... Meanwhile oil has crested at almost $80 bucks a barrel for Saudi Oil, for the first time in history... KBR and Halliburton will certainly benefit from our incursion, but the most immediate benefactors certainly seem to be The Saudis.
Considering it yet? Here's some more background information: The Saudi Family refers to George W Bush as their "American prince". When one of the Saudi royals came to visit (I cannot recall whether it was in DC or Crawford) Bush hugged and kissed him, greeted him more like a supplicant, than a sovereign. Definitely NOT like the leader of the free world.
When Bush was younger, and one of the oil companies Daddy had given him failed - it was the Saudi royal family that bailed him out. When his sports team failed, who bailed him out again? You guessed it. There are plenty of sources for this, look it up, public record or books like "House of Bush, House of Saud"Â or anything written lately by Michael Moore.
Who most benefited from this unjust, unprecedented, war? The Saudi Royal Family...
Now here's the paranoid part: I believe that Bush has been a figurehead and a puppet the entire time... Remember the mystery box during the debate? The mystery bulge in the back of his jacket? I believe that his handlers were communicating to him, helping him answer the questions. I believe he has been an inoperable, defective puppet the entire time... frighteningly ineffective. He got this position because of his name, a little charisma, and the machinations of folks like Cheney and Rove. And support, (mostly financial) from his Saudi Backers. I believe however now that he has fucked things up so much that perhaps, perhaps, the only way out of this situation with the war, the only way to win back the support of the American people, The only way to turn this situation back to the Saudi's benefit - is for the Arabs to assassinate George W Bush. Arrange to have any lone gunman, preferably with the name Mohamed or Achmed kill our president. Suddenly all the War protests, the Get-out-of-Iraq protests, go away. The entire country will form-up on Cheney, who has been pulling the strings anyway, The Scooter Libby scandal goes away. It is a time of war...and a time of great duress.
The Saudi families will get richer, KBR and Halliburton will get richer, and the extreme right-wing crazies will get more of what they want.
Bush will be all but canonized,
So if in the next six months or less, (they would have to act soon with the way things are shaping up with the war of late), a lone gunmen of Middle Eastern descent kills president Bush - remember, you heard it speculated about here first.
