My full name is Ronald John Bauman; my Mother (and only my mother) has gotten into the detestable habit of calling me 'Johnnie', no matter how much I protest. My nieces (and only my nieces) are allowed to call me 'Uncle Ronnie-John'. The folks I travel and work with at renaissance festivals have taken to calling me 'Ronnie Tortuga' and I allow it, because at least they're trying - I like to be called 'Ronn'
I have this running joke that to fit in with the renaissance festival crowd, I was going to change my name to "Wolf Spider Cat", but in reality, I take a certain perverse pride in having a rather geeky name.
I was born on May 14th, 1965 - Now before you go all squiggly trying to figure out my birth sign, STOP!!! Please do NOT try to define me by my astrological sign... you'll just offend me, I guarantee you have NEVER met anyone like Me, regardless of their birth date. I'm sure we'll get more into my "philosophy" later, but I really can't stand astrology - but then again we Tauruses are born skeptics!
I was born on a Naval Base in Maryland. My father was into the United States Navy; My Mom was into My Father. Our family stayed in Maryland for a few months, and we bounced back and forth from New Jersey to Florida until I was about nine or so. I have Gypsy blood in me...(not literally, I am of German, French and Irish descent... oh, and my paternal grandmother, the pathological liar, claims we have Mohawk, Indian in us too, but I am pretty skeptical) By the time I was eighteen, I had attended fifteen different schools. This was not due to my Father being in the Navy mind you... he got out of the Navy when I was about two, and out of the family when I was five. (The divorce was ugly really, something having to do with infidelity with my mother's sister)(Is this too much already? I am on a roll)
I had your standard "broken home" upbringing - we were poor, and had a single parent long before such things were fashionable. I meet folks now who had both Mother and Father growing-up, and I feel kind of sad for them like they missed out on something.
As I said we were poor: welfare, hand-me-down clothes, and free lunches in school. I was a very beautiful little boy, and them became absolutely butt-ugly from about eleven on. I had it tough, and all the clich's were applied to me as well: Ritalin, High IQ, counselors complaining to my mother that I was just too bright for my own good, and was failing in school because I was bored - fights, crimes, truancy, delinquency, Dr. Epsy D. Ball my psychological "head-shrinker" - How did I make it out alive?
I actually am glad of the tough times. I have NO fear of poverty, I have been poor, it cannot stop me. I became funny, as so many comics did as self-defense - I REALLY don't know if I am attractive or not, (really) but I know I went through a really awkward ugly time - and I am still thoroughly insecure. But even that makes me appreciate where I am now, and what I have - and what it has gotten me.
My upbringing has created some odd values, Family is one; I don't believe family is what you're born with, I have disowned both my father and brother, neither were honest or loyal enough. I believe family is those people you choose to keep. The ones you'd kill or die for. Riki and Jef are my real brothers.
I learned a lot from my mother - she busted her ass to keep us together and was a fiercely loving woman. I learned the power of hugging and always expressing your emotions, especially love. I learned bad temper, and how to control it (stop snickering Riki and Jef, I control it much better than I used to). I learned not to fear hard work, my mom dragged herself up from welfare, and no skills - sent herself through school not once but twice, survived bankruptcies and bad relationships, and is now a landlord in New Orleans, building her newest home, and drives a ridiculously expensive Cadillac. Still, at 56 she works 60 to 80 hours a week. Go Mom! I learned loyalty, and indirectly,
