July 2013 – I celebrate July by accidentally, and for the first time EVER getting my journal in ON TIME

Our stars have aligned for a GREAT summer.

If you are reading this month’s journal without having read the last two entries let me catch you up: I have written three months’ worth of journals in the past two days. The house my family and I live in is parked in our relatively comfy spot at the Bristol Renaissance Faire. Because I’ve been catching up on my journal backlog – I will quite accidentally manage to get the one for July in ON time. This may be a first. I’m enjoying cool weather as we approach our fourth weekend in what started as a four week but turned into a six weekend performance engagement. I might even say that it’s feels like CHRISTMAS, more on that in a bit.

We had a last minute Fourth of July celebration and it was GLORIOUS! But some complications arose.

Last year, we were busy, tired and distracted when the 4^th of July rolled around. We ended up skipping fireworks – it didn’t seem to bother Scarlett at all. I had my heart set on trundling the family down to the lake and watching a real fireworks display. Scarlett however chose this day to act out in a most aggravating fashion. By the time we got her settled down, no one felt like venturing out to see fireworks especially since that had been one of the privileges I threatened to take away in an attempt to restore order. As night fell we could see rocket’s red glare and bombs bursting in air off in the distance. At the last minute we bundled the family (Plus our adopted adult daughter Meggy) into the minivan… excuse me the Shuttlecraft and drove off randomly in search of fireworks. By accident, and Meggy’s last minute suggestion - we managed to find an open space directly outside the employee’s entrance to of Six Flags; very near where they set-off their fireworks display. The picture below does not do it justice. For a space we found by accident it was like a dream come true. Just today Heather and I agreed that next year we’re heading for the same spot. Not everything touched by the surprise scheduling change went so smoothly. Since we were (originally) only scheduled to work four weekends here – we had no sitter for the first two weekends and couldn’t seem to secure one. Eventually we finagled a sitter starting on the second weekend so for opening day – Heather and I worked-out a child swapping schedule. Fortuitously, by Sunday we were able to share the sitter that Jef and Jessica used for Mia. I have to tell you it is very sweet and very weird to have the second-generation of Tortuga Twins in my house but Scarlett sure does love Mia. She is also very protective of her… though I wish the sitter hadn’t let Scarlett pick her up (and subsequently DROP her!) At least Scarlett is close to the ground. I’m still astounded that Jef and I have children. I’m still rueful that I have not only a daughter but a beautiful, headstrong daughter… It’s only fair I suppose, but boys – I suggest you steer clear of my little girl.

This may surprise you but Wisconsin gets HOT in July – and it can take a lot out of you

I’m used to summer. I am used to sweating. I make my living outside, and have for what is now almost half my life… but that doesn’t mean I like it. By second weekend we had settled into a groove the three of us – but it sure pooped us right-the-hell out. Our schedule for the first two weeks was – interesting. Our first show wasn’t until 1:30 so we had four hours from the end of our morning meeting until we first stepped on stage. Our last show is at six. It’s been humbling enough here to have to actually work for a crowd; to have to “win over” an audience who has no idea who we are. It was actually getting the better of me until Heather gave me her version of a “pep-talk”. With weekend three behind us we’re figuring it out and are ready to hit it again this weekend.

My brother and his family came to visit – and left disappointed.

I’ve mentioned before that my brother is over-the-road truck driver based out of Tennessee. He comes to visit me at the festivals we work from time-to-time. He went out of his way to arrange to come visit during the week so that we could have some time together away from the distractions of having to work. We had some fun times scheduled – Apple Holler for breakfast and goat feeding, a tour of the Jelly Belly factory and maybe even a trip to the waterpark. Scarlett’s constitution had other plans however. Just an hour before we were to meet my brother’s family at Apple holler Scarlett complained about being nauseated. She’d just spent twenty minutes spinning in my office chair so at first we dismissed it... but then she started to puke. After the third or fourth episode and consulting a thermometer we realized that there was something much more wrong than a tummy upset by centrifuge. We cancelled brunch and after helping my brother locate and get situated in a near-by RV park spent the day nursing our ailing child. To make a long story ever-so-slightly shorter I went out to dinner with my brother’s family alone that night, and took them out (also without Heather and Scarlett) to breakfast the next morning to apple holler as originally planned. Scarlett had had a bad turn in the middle of the night – I ended-up doing a late-night changing of the sheets due to yet another explosion of daughter puke. And though she seemed better by breakfast time we didn’t think she should venture out for breakfast and were we ever right. While I was at breakfast and annoyingly out of cellphone range she took a turn for the much worse. Before this gets any more dramatic let me assure you that she is alright now. Some anti-nausea meds and some hydration turned things around. By Sunday she was her chipper, punky pain-in-the-butt self again. But there is nothing so terrifying as having to rush to the hospital to find your baby-girl in the emergency room bed. No thanks, never-again please. My brother and his family though disappointed completely understood. He does after-all have NINE children. Child-plague notwithstanding it was great to see him and I look forward to visiting with him again.

We have been catching up on a slew of movies, I rejoice over the best news out of Comic-Con and I take a slight diversion for a lesson on fashion

In a lot of places we work, we don’t pay for movies. We’re lucky enough to have friends in the right places, or have worked-out deals for free festival tickets… whatever. Here in Bristol however I actually pay full price to see movies as I lack those connections or that kind of influence. I don’t care. This has been a pretty amazing movie season with its hits and misses. I LOVED Man of Steel – Even with Superman crossing a line he never should have. I was on the edge of my seat for World War Z – it had very little to do with the book and the third act doesn’t sit well with me – but I’m glad they’re doing a sequel. Monsters University was near perfect, Despicable Me 2 was even better. I literally laughed until I cried. And then there was Lone Ranger. *sigh* It was not as bad as you’ve been lead to believe. There were some GREAT moments and I loved most of the cast and much of the story. I could have fixed the movie, I’d have made it at least on half hour shorter, cut the Helena Bonham Carter character and subplot and the Indian massacre. I’d have nixed the cross-dressing villain and I would only have had ONE train sequence. But that was quite a sequence - except for its anti-climactic ending. Hey speaking of Man of Steel – did you hear the incredible news from Comic Con? The next Superman film will not only be directed by Zack Snyder and star the oh-so-handsome Henry Cavill but it will also feature Bat-Fuckin’ MAN and they’re gonna fight! BATMAN versus the BIG BLUE BOY SCOUT! Hell-to-the-muthafukken-YEAHS!!! I’m gonna stop there; partly because I’ve run out of ways to spell swear words incorrectly and instead I'm going to just dream hot sexy dreams of what this movie could be. Speaking of hot and sexy – see what my favorite shoe designer has to say about them damned-sexy shoes he makes.

Today is not only due date for my July Journal it is also Christmas in July!

I’m a fan of traditions. I’m a fan of Christmas. But I’m a pale reflection of how enthusiastic my wife gets. Now that we’re firmly ensconced here at Bristol she jumped right in and helped organize the Christmas In July event including a craft day for the kiddies. Last night was Christmas Eve and following the theme of “Christmas in SPAaaaaccce!” The Christmas procession or “Posada” featured Joseph – as played by Major Tom - venturing from trailer to trailer and from booth to booth trying to find a place for his virginal bride Mary to give birth. We followed a star – carried by a bright young man who carried it on a stick - and asked at each stop along the way to no avail. Though there was no room at each stop there was often candy, and each person joined our procession until we reached our final destination where Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters were had by all. It was quite a parade featuring space musicians rendering a nice mix of Christmas classics – and Ziggy Stardust. This morning was Christmas Breakfast, mimosas, and stockings for the Children delivered by a fit, mostly clean-shaven Santa portrayed by what I can only hope is your second favorite Tortuga Twin. Once again we had a lovely time and really enjoyed being a part of this magical community.

So tune back in next month when I get to report how meeting my hero went.

I have a lot of heroes and role models. Folks who one-way-or-another have helped me figure out my life, my character and my place in the world. Clearly I was influenced by Star Trek – mostly Kirk. Rocky Horror is very responsible for how I turned out; I played Riff Raff and loved Frankie and just learned so much about strength and hedonism. And Mr. Adam Fuckin’ Ant. I first saw him on some iteration of Solid Gold singing “Stand and Deliver” I went to a music store (they used to actually have stores that sold music, imagine!) and bought Adam’s newer album along with that song included as a 45 (a 45 is kind of like a stone-age MP3). Adam really opened my eyes. He taught me that it was okay to be myself –even if, especially if, that meant I wasn’t like everyone else. He taught me to embrace my sexuality – whatever I felt that was supposed to be and just taught me to be fearless in the face of ridicule. I don’t think there would have been a Scaramouche Tortuga without Adam Ant. Next week; next Tuesday to be precise heather and I celebrate our sixth anniversary by seeing the show “The Book Of Mormon” and next Thursday August first we’ll see Adam Ant play in concert and get to meet him at the Meet and Greet! Holy WOW! I’ve decided I’m going to write him a card and give him some of our DVDs so that when I turn into a blubbering incomprehensible fool he might still figure out how important he has always been to me. I’ll be sure to let you guys know how it goes.

It’s time to wrap up now - let me first congratulate the US Supreme Court and the voters of Minnesota.

I’ve let you guys in on something I don’t discuss in public: I am a Straight White Man. There it is, it’s out there. You know now. But my LGBT Brothers and Sisters I AM an ally. It’s absurd to me that we will deny marriage rights, any rights to our citizens based on their sexuality. In the span of my lifetime it was illegal for blacks and whites to marry. In the span of my life in some areas, I couldn’t have legally married Heather. Let me say that again. I. COULD. NOT. HAVE. MARRIED. The-coolest-women-in-the-world and my once-in-a-lifetime love. We have evolved past that. There’s almost no one out there now who could imagine preventing me from marrying this amazing woman because of her heritage. If you don’t feel that trying to ban gay marriage is just as absurd – that’s fine… but your grandkids are going to be just as embarrassed by you as I am by my racist, ignorant grandparents and not-distant-enough relatives. I wish you well, but not as much as I do the Court and the people of Minnesota.

I’ll see you right back here next month, probably late

I’ll have a lot more stuff to tell you about as the summer winds down and I’m sure we’ll have more fan club changes you’ll be interested in seeing. As we sign off – I hope you look into this device in my final photo. My birthday has come and gone - but a machine like this would make a great gift for any occasion!