July 2009 – Michael Jackson passes; Billy Mays catches, outruns Karl Malden AND Farrah… Carradine goes for the tackle but chokes… Touchdown! Meanwhile WE take an unexpected trip.

What a month it has been.

I’m sitting here, in pink, flannel “Hello Kitty” pajama bottoms. Tonight is Monday, Jul 27th. I don’t have to tell you good readers that this makes me two days late (and maybe three by the time I upload this). For the first time in more than a decade – I am in New York State! Before we get into the month that was; I wanted to apologize for the joke that opened this month’s journal. I don’t apologize because it was too soon, merely because it wasn’t well written. Let me sum up the deaths above: Billy Mays dies in Tampa (my home town) at 50 (I’m not that far off!) too close to home. Karl Malden? I only really remember him from the ads with the tagline, “What Will you do?” Farrah, Ooh that poster! I’m from the seventies you know… so I’m sure I have touched myself to her image… she will be missed. Kwai Chang? Other than finding out he stole Bruce Lee’s character, I always liked him… Silly way to go. And finally – the King of Pop. Here’s what I wrote on my Facebook page when Michael passed: Michael Jackson has passed on to Neverland, The land of lost boys. He’s at peace... Just Michael and a troupe of wild young boys, no rules, no parents, no police… just Michael and little boys, and Jesus juice. Fuckin’ Michael Jackson.

Now to be fair; Mikey was acquitted of all charges. He was found “Not Guilty” by a jury of his peers… peers, right. He did pay-off at least two, maybe three families in previous scandals. He admitted that he slept with children in his bed. He may have been a monster or he may have been a tortured, shattered little boy. I don’t know. But as a comic…

I watched none of the massive, “All Michael, All the Time” coverage. Don’t get me wrong, I was a fan. I am also from the eighties, and like Porn built the internet, Michael built MTV. He touched me in my youth (hehehe). Dirty Diana, Scream, Black and White… Thriller. Wow. He was our Elvis. Just as tragic, just as dead.

Bye Mike.

When I wrote Last month’s journal

We were settled into our Minnesota “camp” spot for what was supposed to be our longest stay of the year. We were excited to begin catching up with our old friends, revisit our old stomping grounds, and generally relax into our long stay… But I’m writing from New York… more on that in a bit.

While we were still in “The Land of Ten Thousand Lakes”

We did get to do a few cool things. One of the nicest was getting an invite to a friend’s son’s birthday party. Bruce has appeared on our TortugaPalooza 2: SPIES! DVD. Arguably the prettiest member of Ten Seconds of Harmony, and Riki’s erstwhile landlord… The proud father of two sons and a brand new daughter; we were only too happy to be invited to his younger son’s party. There was cake, and beer, and “Scooby snack” shots. There was lots of fun for Scarlett too: There was a 16 foot above-ground pool, two little boys, a slip-n-slide, lawn toys and naked-Scarlett-butt in the sun. Scarlett was really brave in the pool, as long as I was holding on to her. And even when her lips were blue and teeth were chattering she didn’t want to get out of the pool.

The story gets better; Bruce has decided to give us the pool. True story! They want to upgrade to a slightly larger pool, and we’re welcome to the old one. The pool breaks down to a small package, and all we’ll need to do is spend a few bucks for one of the two pumps… and Voila! I think the pool is going to end-up in Arizona… though I really would prefer it in Georgia.

The pool wasn’t the only “take-away” from that party. Bruce also introduced us to “The Backyardigans”.

Scarlett has just “discovered” television.

She’s always liked the light and sound, but she’s just made the logical leap and figured out the characters and actions.

Well, that’s not totally true; she has always loved the music and movement of “So You Think You Can Dance”. But now other stuff has started to catch her attention. Mostly the Backyardigans. They’re fun, and funny, and a little scary. Every morning as we serve her breakfast we turn on the show and she’s enraptured. This is another one of those pre-child promises I made to myself – not to have my child subject to Barney and his ilk – that has gone the way of so many before it.

Scarlett amazes me with her curiosity and her tenacity

She’s into everything, and I do mean everything! from bottom left: She hides in small spaces, especially under the changing table, She loves to climb on the table (a big “no-no”), especially since, she then proceeds to dump the cat food into the cat water. She has even encouraged Inari to sneak up to watch her. She loves to try on clothes, hers, mine, mommy’s; sometimes creating the most … interesting outfits. She hijacks mom’s computer, (or mine,) every chance she gets… and she’s fascinated with any little tool-time job I do in the house.

Besides the stuff pictured she also loves to rip up paper, and she loves to color… on paper, on the desk, on the walls and her chairs. Thank god for washable markers!

We spent a lovely Fourth of July

We got a special invitation to Jack’s lake house with his mom. Jack is Heather’s boss, but really, he’s family. Not only has he done so much for Heather and I, I just plain like the guy. We had a traditional Fourth, Steaks, watermelon, friends, drinking… The house which his parents built onto the original structure in the 50’s is quaint, and cozy. Donna-Rae is a doll, and both Inari, and Scarlett were a big, big, hit. Lake Pulaski, wow… I really want to have a house on a lake one day.

We didn’t end-up seeing any fireworks… Scarlett is prolly still too young to appreciate them. We are however really looking forward to sharing them with her next year.

We’ve also discovered Dinkytown, and the Loring Pasta Bar

A friend of ours, like Jack, calls the Twin Cities home. He has a nice house that he transported to an island in the middle of the Mississippi river which bisects Minneapolis. He’s also an investor in the Loring Pasta Bar, a funky little restaurant in an area of Minneapolis called Dinkytown. Artsy, eclectic, vibrant. My kind of town. He was nice enough to show us his house, take us to dinner, and finally give us a tour of the Varsity Theater (he’s also a part owner in that). What a lovely place… I am now inspired to write another Palooza show…. Just so we can premier it there!

Heather has expanded her empire as well

The past few years she’s worked for her friend Alli selling scarves and sarongs. It was a good job, and one she’s good at – but my baby wanted more. Heather’s wanted her own thing for a while now, She likes managing for Jack, but wants her own achievements So… check out this photo of the future home of Sonnygirl Designs just a few, short, steps from our stage in Minnesota; my darling wife will be selling stained glass. She loves her new booth, and is both excited, and anxious about her new business. She’s already put ME to work hanging shelves, and baby-proofing the back deck… this will also be my green room… but don’t come looking for me there. Stop-on-by during the show in Minnesota, buy some of Heather’s beautiful stained glass!

BTW; My lovely wife wants to add in “A big thank you to Kay and Chad Kinsey” for helping Heather with the set-up of her shop!

I also want to send out a special shout-out to other dear members of our Minnesota Crew

Larry and Tracy Pogue; Fan club members, friends, practically family. You may recognize Larry as working for our good buddy Johnny Phoenix; you may recognize Tracy as being the woman who gets us snockered on schnapps, and the woman with the worst luck. She was, once again, just returned from the hospital, and since she couldn’t come visit us, I took Scarlett over to visit them. We don’t give all of our fan-club members this kind of treatment, but we’ve formed a special bond with these guys. Larry throws a great cook-out, and makes a wonderful Bear-meat burger. Tracy is a doll, and all of us Bauman’s want her to get well soon.

Not everything has gone-off without a hitch

There have been a lot of little changes since the baby arrived… We don’t go to movies nearly as often. When I was single I would go at least once a week, maybe many more… When Heather and I first got together we still went to movies all-the-time. But when baby made three, we became a blockbuster-and-flatscreen TV family. With our screen, Blu-ray, and surround sound it’s better than a lot of theater experiences, the food is cheaper, and we can pause to go to the bathroom. There are some events however that just need to be experienced on the Big Screen. Watchmen, for example, or any movie that shows in digital 3D!

All of my friends saw, and loved “UP”. I wanted to see it weeks before we got to Minnesota, maybe even before we left Georgia… but the timing never worked. Our trusted friend (and my honorary niece) Kristen is our babysitter/Scarlett wrangler here in town… So arranging a trip to finally see this movie should be easy right?

Not hardly. This movie had some sort of curse, or deflector screen that prevented us from seeing it. The first time we went (after arranging for, and paying our sitter) it turned-out that the theater was no longer showing it in digital 3d. Heather and I just got some snacks and cocktails and had a pleasant date instead.

The second time, another theater, and my GPS lead me astray. We drove fifteen or twenty miles out of the way to miss by ten minutes the only 3d showing we could see that day… more snacks and shopping.

Finally, the third-time, Kristen sitting again… and we got to see the movie. I got a tell ya; it was a great flick. It was sweet, schmaltzy, I cried. Technically, however, I wasn’t that impressed. The theater we saw it in had the screen seeming not much bigger than the one at home, and the 3d didn’t impress me like it did in Monsters VS Aliens… sigh.

I also want to thank Kristen for allowing us to celebrate our Second Anniversary early

We had to change the original date of our “night-on-the-town” (more on that later) But even with the short notice, Kristen stepped up and wrangled the daughter for us. Last year Heather and I in Denver celebrated our anniversary by going to a show. Eddie Izzard to be exact. I think this will be our anniversary tradition; seeing a show together. So this year we got to share another one of our mutual passions Cirque Du Soleil! Individually, or together Heather and I have seen most of the shows they’ve put out, how serendipitous that Cirque’s brand new show Kooza, was in town, at the right time.

To make things more interesting, we ran into the ex-wife of Johnny Phoenix. Liz. The whole situation is… funny. I think she was embarrassed to see us, but we don’t have any grudge against her… the show was great, my second favorite maybe. My date was amazing, (thanks for marrying me), and I found out I really liked downtown Saint Paul.

Two cats, a baby and a new, rambunctious puppy – an accident waiting to happen

Dogs chase cats. Puppies really like to chase cats. Young cats don’t mind, Older, meaner, fattercats can be driven quite angry when being chased by stupid, hyper-active puppies. When an equally assertive baby daughter then goes to move the troll-kitty out of her sanctuary; things can go very bad, very quickly.

In other words: London bit the holy shit out of Scarlett.

She grabbed her with both paws/claws and sank one of her fangs deep into my tender baby girl. But that wasn’t all. Later that night Scarlett woke up screaming, and miserable. The next morning we took her to a doctor, thankfully, and got her on antibiotics… again fortunately. It seems my komodo dragon-like cat had given Scarlett a nasty infection.

Ten days of feeding Scarlett medicine twice a day (a huge struggle) and she’s all better… but I really just-about killed that damned cat.

I’m approaching the end of this month’s journal, while I type, I’m watching Smallville

This is something I have Heather to thank for. She purchased the first seven seasons for a song on eBay. Damn my wife is cool. I am really enjoying the show. I am enjoying the characters, most of the writing, even the effects. Tom Welling and Kristen Kreuk are both delicious to watch, Lex Luthor is a really cool guy so far, and seems to really love Clark. All-in-all, a very enjoyable program. Here are two things among many that I am taking away from this show: First a teenage Clark Kent should have been so messed-up… but thankfully he had that Kent/Kansas upbringing. And Two: Clark’s dad, as played by that rascally Duke boy – is another great role model… Man if I can be as good as Him, and Joe – Scarlett will be alright.

While we’re on the topic: I saved two links just for you guys – One is a comical look at Superman and Lois, and the other is the story upon which the two movies “The Thing” are based.

It is just after two o’clock in the morning in Tuxedo Park, New York. Again, I am sitting in pink jammies (which is all I was wearing when I just walked my stupid dog) parked alongside the site’s maintenance facility. We have adequate power. They’re running a water line (just for us, surreptitiously) tomorrow… if I could only get all four of the satellites to lock in, (I get three, but the one that carries locals, and most of the HD stuff seems to be being blocked by trees)I’d be pretty comfy. The interesting thing is, all of the special accommodations and allowances weren’t made for me, weren’t about keeping The Tortuga Twin happy. The management is just bending over backwards to keep Heather and Jack happy. I’m not working this show… We hopefully will send a team here next year (depending upon schedule) - Still, I’ll take the pampering no matter who it is meant to impress.

But why am I here?

Surprise! You’re going to New York!

Heather’s company runs all of the souvenir booths at three of the biggest fairs. Arizona, Georgia, and Charlotte. They’re smooth, professional, low maintenance and get the job done. My wife’s so good! A old friend of ours is now the new general manager of the fair, just outside of New York City, and though I was comfortable, and happy in our loading dock in Minnesota… we took the arduous, and trying trip to this beautiful state. In the next journal I might mention getting stranded due to a late night campground fiasco, I might mention Heather’s request to “beat the baby with the puppy,” I will definitely tell you about meeting my sisters – Our three families have a date for dinner, and first meetings tomorrow night. But it is now after two AM, We’re getting up early to get a jump on the day. Smallville is almost done, and I have some correcting to do to this before uploading it so let’s part ways with one final piece:

Please congratulate us all, (and pat Jef on the back, he negotiated the deal) -

We just signed a three year contract with the Minnesota Renaissance Festival.

Now, like this final photo shows; it is time to rest. Man I’m tired!