I just restarted my journal... I have been sitting on a load of entries and notes for more than a month. When we drove down to Tampa and stayed in the hotel for TortugaPalooza 2 - I took the journal with me... I thought I would get time to work on it. Some of the notes here are just snippets... no linear story to follow...
 A friend sent me this photo |
Wait, I'll make myself a liar, here is a timeline:
- Worked in Arizona
- Inundated by rain
- Repairs to trailer
- Trip across the country to Florida
- Worked two weeks in Florida, at the MOSI show
- Packed up and had an uneventful drive to Atlanta - but had to wait until Jef got there before I could finish moving in to my site
- Worked a stunning first weekend at Georgia
- Had a less stunning second weekend
- Drove down to Florida for TortugaPalooza
- Performed, after oodles of stress
- Partied, a bit after the show
- Got to the plane early, only to be denied and delayed - missing half a day at Georgia
- Finished third weekend, got no rest
- Started student days on that Wednesday
- Saw a CRAPPY burlesque troop (AVOID THE FLUFF GIRLS!)
- Student day two - and a cute girl from Arizona arrives
- Hang out with her till weekend four - a good time
- Go on our Post Palooza buying spree... I have X box!
- Saturday of weekend five - My birthday, Fans help me celebrate during the day, friends help me celebrate during the night
- Finally get to relax.
Arizona was trying...
Most expensive diesel price I saw, A Texaco right outside the Festival site in Arizona: $2.53
Least expensive diesel I have seen this spring: $2.07, right outside of Atlanta on Interstate 85... for the first time in a few years diesel was actually cheaper than regular unleaded!
Anytime I think my way of life and of making a living cannot get any weirder it does... this thought comes to me as we are doing a photo shoot for Palooza two. Here I am standing in a wetsuit in the Desert. Stripping nude at joust camp, hanging off a car while the cameras whir away...
We need to thank Doug of KB toys in Phoenix, part of our Prop-buying adventure... Much MORE amusing was watching Jef going into the dressing room at Frederick's, asking a lovely young lady to assist him with his bustier.
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 The AZ formal had a Western theme |
 Gothed up for dancing in Phoenix |
Jef has a philosophy that I wish I had known in the past: "Make-up or Break-up" When fighting, ask yourself; "Is this transgression or perceived transgression between you and your love worth breaking up over?" If not, you might as well make up... because you are staying together. If it is such a grave error as to warrant a break up, get to it, and stop wasting time.
Riki, Jef and I have all had our fights, in the past... we may shout, and swear... and we all have different ways of expressing our anger, (my temper seems to be the worst BTW) but in the end, we know we are staying together so we find a fix... this is a good model.
Jef Riki and I have such vastly different personalities... everyone likes Jef, but you don't get a lot of depth. Riki is very well-liked and respected... but guarded about his feelings and emotions. I wear my heart and my emotions on my sleeve... and it's a big damn sleeve. If you don't see it I am very likely wave it in your face. I am the asshole... and the one who is hardest to know. But I am also the one who reveals the most to my friends... and lets people inside deeper... don't believe it? Compare our journals.
I have gotten my heart broken in Phoenix more than anywhere else in the world. April and I really hit rock bottom there... and then there is Brandy.
For those who haven't followed this journal from the beginning, Brandy is the girl I am most screwed-up over, in all the world. I met her three Arizonas ago... That year she flew out to visit me in Atlanta, Minnesota, and Charlotte, we talked constantly. Brandy was a part of some of the most amazing times in my life... There is something about her, something I cannot begin to describe. She was constantly surprising... I loved having her around; I loved being close to her, (literally and metaphorically). In time, I fell in love with her. Three (or was it four?) years ago the plan was: during the winter break, my six weeks off, I was going to winter in Phoenix, instead of Florida... that would give Brandy and I almost four months together to 'play house'... get to know each other, live together... see if we could make a long-term go of it. Less than a month before I was to move out there Brandy asked me not to come out after all... She had formed a relationship with her dance partner, (He lived in Phoenix after all... it was certainly easier) - in defeat I went to Florida again... We spoke several times that winter, but I was hurt, and disappointed... I make friends with all of my exes, and to this day talk to April two or three times a week so... It was nice to maintain my friendship with Brandy who I had come to love... but much of her conversation was about how much she preferred me to the other guy... well duh! So why are you with him instead of me? I had to pull away a bit... My motto is always: "If you do not like your life or something in it... FIX IT!"
To shorten a bit; by the time I got to Phoenix I decided to see Brandy only one time - and to essentially say good bye. I had a wonderful time that year... as I recall, but always with a shadow of sadness. To get some closure, and to say goodbye, I saw Brandy one final time, two months later, as I was leaving Phoenix. We'd known each other a year by now, but hadn't seen each other in months... When I saw her again however my brain, my heart, my soul caught fire again. My breath was literally taken away... I could tell by her eyes that she was in the exact same place. Wistful, we were both so wistful... and obviously in love. As the date was ending, I looked Brandy in the eyes and said "There is a part of me that wants to just tell you to get in my truck, come with me now... run away with me." And she said "There is a part of me that just wishes you would!"
I did.
Man there is so much I could say here... I could write ten or more pages just about our history, or my feelings. The fact that she has said she can "...see her children in my eyes." It is pathetic and romantic and ... tiring. Back to the narrative; I left Phoenix that year, and on the way home I got this call from her (I was actually shopping in New Orleans with my mother) "I'm doing it, I am running away with you"
YAY!
Then she kept putting of the date, and putting off the date... She bought her plane ticket - scheduled arrival just before my birthday in Atlanta... and then I didn't hear from her for a week. Finally a half-hour before the plane was scheduled to land I got a call - "I take it you didn't make it on the plane?" I said. She chose not to.
Boo!
I put some distance between us, stopped calling for awhile... but eventually we again started chatting...
I am sitting here writing in my fabulous trailer in Atlanta... at least two years after she didn't get on that plane... and my heart still aches a bit for her... I still haven't moved into all of my house - setting aside some closet space and drawers... not necessarily for her, but just-in-case.
We chatted all fall and winter, and again the idea of her leaving with me was broached... surely I would be stupid to make myself vulnerable again; surely I couldn't possibly be that stupid, again!
Maybe
So Last year, we talked... and as I have written at length, she chose to stay in Phoenix... chose the dream job over the dream guy...
*sigh*
 The Infamous Brandy and the Boys |
SO ... We met for lunch before the Phoenix festival started this year... Things started really well. I hadn't told anyone (read that as Riki and Jef) I was coming to see her... It's almost embarrassing to have such a hole in my amour. Such vulnerability.
The lunch started with each of us extolling how happy and satisfied we were... her with her career; me with all the stuff going on in my wild life. She went on to tell me how much better her relationship has been with Sean... and I told her about Naomi.
Yet by the end of the lunch things were in the same place they always are between she and I. She explained to me that she has tried very hard to shut the door on her feelings for me - and couldn't... seeing me again brought it all crashing back.
We spent a lot of time this year in Phoenix together... in secret. She even hid in my back seat so I could sneak her into the fair, and into my RV. Security is fairly tight. I had a great time just being with her.
We didn't even kiss. Though she loves me, and was considering leaving her job, her town, her life and her fellow - for me, she was still dating Sean.
My favourite moment of the time together may have been the morning when Riki and Jef came over for a 'Palooza Business meeting. You should have seen their faces when Brandy walked out of the bedroom!
We discussed it. She thought long and hard about it, and then (amazingly and disappointingly) chose to stay in Phoenix again.
I wasn't as crushed, certainly wasn't surprised...
You'd think I would be done? But just before my birthday I got an email from her.She was wondering why she missed me so much when I was gone, thought about me constantly - but couldn't make that choice when I was around.
Oh what about Naomi you may ask - I'll write more on her in a moment.
A simple leak in my grey water tank cost over nine hundred dollars to fix. (I DID have some other work done too) My warranty covered seven hundred of it... still.
Riki calls this area "The Brown"... a huge area of nothing on the trip home.
I find it more amusing to name it after an especially cheesy 70s action film... so cheesy that Jan-Michael Vincent and the A-team's George Peppard starred in it.
This (normally) brown, dry, lifeless region... devoid of life, I have dubbed Damnation Alley.
This year however, "The Brown" is amazingly green. It is a land possessed of trailer-killing crosswinds, and vast expanses of ab-so-lutely-fuckin' NOTHING! It used to be a much more miserable trek, until I got XM radio. At least these days, I have SOME small connection with the world. Riki and I learned on our first trip that between San Antonio and Fort Stockton, there are few gas stations. Between Fort Stockton, and El Paso there is only one stop... Van Horn. The first year we didn't know this and ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere. As I sail off into the void, like Columbus sailing towards the edge of the world, my phone loses all reception.
I had a falling out with my brother about ten years ago; we don't speak. I have some very strict rules on loyalty, and family... and tend to give too many chances... But Richard, (my brother) transgressed in such an egregious fashion that I just disowned him. I haven't spoken to him since, till now.
There has been a grave family crisis recently involving one of my brother's nine (really) children, One of my beloved nieces. Because of this Richard and I are speaking again. Things are not forgiven, I have told him this... But the needs of the family take precedence over my standards... Taking care of the niece is the first order. We were having a conversation about travel, and our lifestyle... Richard is a long-haul truck driver. This is not a life that would appeal to everyone... but he views it as an office job with the best view in the entire world. I have the best house in the world... My front yard changes each two months. Richard is a trucker, I do this... maybe we really DO have Gypsy blood.
From my trip back to Florida - On Crossing the Courtney Campbell Bridge:
As I arrive in my home town, I cross over the bridge I have crossed at so many significant times of my life... when I left the navy, every time I commuted from the naval base in Carolina to work the cheesy little Largo Renaissance festival. It is a landmark. I eat at the Perkins I have eaten at for years - next to a club I used to dance barefoot at in the eighties... I grew-up working at the Bennigan's right next door... I often mention that I used to have to work winters to support my summer touring habit and it was here I always seemed to. I sit on the roots of a HUGE old camphor tree. A tree larger than most people's houses. My favourite tree in the entire world. I have always called this tree "Bhodi' which means 'teacher' a bit of holdover from my hippy youth. The weather is beautiful, the sun is warming... Just down the street I visit an orange grove and fruit packer - I have my traditional orange juice and orange soft-serve ice cream... In Florida - all the girls look like strippers, and all the men are fat, old, and crazy. This is home.
The Bay Area show was good and bad - the weather was nice and we won over some new fans...still it's just not the old Largo.
A friend I haven't seen in years was going through some hard times... he tells me this: "Life is like a Harley: great fun on Sundays, but you have to fiddle with it the rest of the week."
Connected with old friends, and fans... the time in Florida was filled with work and chaos. A little lonely too.
It is funny how spoiled I have become. When we first arrived in Georgia, I couldn't level my house and hook up water and what-not... there was a possibility that I would have to move once Jef arrived. This has me very unsettled... my house wasn't really my house yet. The first thing I have always done, long before I even had a trailer was establish my 'Base'; my home. It's easier now. You see, even with moving every two months I am a creature of habits, comfort, and familiarity.
Weekend one was great, a little chilly even. The thing I like least about the Georgia show is the heat and humidity. It has been pleasant, a lot, rainy, some and even chilly a few fair days. It is so weird to NOT be sweating our asses off here.
We have developed a supportive fan base here - and lots of our Charlotte fans come to visit as well.
It has been nice to catch up with old friends too, Angel is here and she is always near and dear to me... Eileen the belly dancer has been fun to hang out with, and very helpful for a part of the show... (Though we have since had a falling out)
 Riki and I with Ann getting ready |
 Jef is such a stud! |
 Palooza tech rehearsal |
Remember I said I was spoiled? I HATED staying at the Marriott... it was a great place, but too surreal. My car was in Georgia at the airport; my friends were out of town... I had been to this airport so many times - how odd to be living here. By the end of my week I was thoroughly tired of TGI Friday's food! (Try to think about LIVING at the airport... not so much fun.)
Up until the last minute there was oodles of stress and chaos with the show. We had specifically set things up so that we would be able to relax more, and not have last minute preparations... guess what - best laid plans and all... just a few hours before the show Jef was still rendering video, Riki was bound down with prop and concession concerns... and I had to master a dance (as well as oversee tickets). Things in rehearsal were not going well either... I won't go into details, but I start the show, hiding behind a bunch of crates... looking up onto the screen showing the introductory films... I listened to the crowds as the show began - and they LOVED it.
There was a moment, Riki, Jef and I were waiting on a couch onstage, for the second act to begin, and positively enjoying ourselves
The show couldn't have gone smoother, or been better received. It was shorter, tighter, and less chaotic than last years. I was concerned that there was no room for improvisation and our personalities to come out...but they did and how! This show was GREAT!!!
 Riki makes a last-minute call |
 I'm such a stud, too! |
 My stunt double |
We left our hotel rooms at 4:45am for a 7:00 flight, we'd be in Atlanta by 8:30, and easily be able to make the 9:30 morning meeting. We could even miss two flights and still make our first show. The weather in Florida was beautiful... the weather in Atlanta however was NOT. We were ultimately delayed for almost six hours, missed two of our four shows... (The fair itself almost didn't open) and thoroughly pissed-off the boss.
We have subsequently made nice-nice... not to worry.
The head of our fan club, and the head of the Charlotte Chapter shared a ride to Palooza 2... and almost beat us (though they drove and we flew) to Georgia. Very nice to see you girls!
 Riki managed to get his shirt off again |
 Mommy and the others at the rehearsal dinner |
Student days were short, boring and a breeze... the way they should be.
 Hot, Smart, Young (and Innocent) |
I had a lovely girl fly out to visit me for a few days from the Arizona show. She is young, a very young 21... but smart, beautiful... a sexual energizer bunny. Sweet... I wish she were older! I was originally dreading her arrival a little... again she is a little young for 21... a little more inexperienced than I normally like. But she stayed for just the right amount of time, was a very enthusiastic bed-partner, looked really good in her Catholic school-girl outfit and stripper shoes... and was a good conversationist as well. I have already invited her to come visit at some of the other shows... but I do wish she were older. She is going to be a good friend, and once she gets some mileage and experience under her belt an amazing woman.
One note: If you are just about to turn 40, and dreading it a bit, I strongly suggest spending time in bed with a cute, willing, girl half your age... when you tire her out, suddenly 40 doesn't seem that bad.
After she left (and I was both relieved and sad to see her go... the perfect amount of stay-time) We Tortugas went on a buying spree.
With as much time as we have been spending the past few years, and definitely the last few months, on TortugaPalooza, with our seven-day eighteen-hour work-week... we haven't had a minute's rest or time to play a frivolous game in a coon's age. Our remedy and decompression plan? Riki and I bought X box systems... I also coincidently bought a new home theater system. (Which Jef graciously installed) My Palace of Decadence/Ivory Tower is quite the retreat. (And oodles of fun.)
We have a fan (or several) at Best Buy, and at EB games, we worked a little magic on pricing. (And BTW had a GREAT time playing with the LightSabers too) Jef chose not to get an X box like Riki and I... but later relented and got the Portable Play Station. YAY toys!
 Games we play - see, I AM A NERD |
 It was this girl's birthday, too |
 Look! A fish banana cake! |
After work: was perfect! I had a better time than last year not even counting the fact that I didn't go to jail this time. Rather than try to arrange some complicated multi-girl routine for this year, I instead decided to celebrate with my family and friends. Sixteen or seventeen of us made the Trek to Rusan's Sushi in Marietta... this is one of our favourite Sushi places in the world and they surprised us by adding a buffet too... YUMMY. I had a moment of panic when the staff was signing and dancing the birthday song... it was a bit overwhelming. And a moment of annoyance when Eileen decided to steal the focus during the signing with ululations, and singing in Arabic.
I have to praise Jef btw... For years, whenever I was scrambling for a word, and couldn't think of it... I would just say "fish banana cake" it was my go-to phrase... when I opened my cake (German chocolate, my favourite!!!) There was a fish and a banana on it, in icing... a Fish Banana Cake!Dinner was great, company was great. Who could ask more?
Later that night: I took a home a very dear friend... no multiple girls this time (though she WAS one of last year's girls) and she kindly strapped the stripper-shoes on and kept me happy all night (and I do mean all night!) Again, tiring out a 22-year-old nymphomaniac is an excellent way to shake your fist at your own (possible) mortality.
 Friends - with benefits! |
 A perfect birthday |
 After the party... |
This week is being devoted to playing Xbox, watching movies (STAR WARS!!!!) and catching up on as little work as possible... I haven't been back to a gym yet, but I WILL go tomorrow.
I am such a stinking GEEK! I am all excited about the STAR WARS episode three thing we are doing tonight... and I really miss playing Dungeons and Dragons!
I still owe you guys some more info on Naomi, the phone call to Brandy (and reaching SEAN!) My Teddy Bear's name...and some other good stuff like that - but if I quit now, and just add some photos, I can get this off to you guys now... more to come...
