If this is an “All Zombie” journal; shouldn’t it be October, not January?

I felt like trying something new this journal. I’m not late, I’m fully clothed, and… I’m not gonna tell you about my month. I’ll let you know that we are in Arizona, We’re enjoying some time off, and we LOVE the winter weather… HERE. Tonight, I’m writing about one of my favorite topics and greatest fears the INEVITABLE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.

This is not the first time I have written about Zombies. It is a much thought-of topic in both my head, and my home. But I am not alone. The first recorded appearance of the creature we now refer to as Zombie was around 2150 BCE in the Epic of Gilgamesh.

If you want to be etymologically pure the word “Zombie” only referred to a corpse reanimated as a servant by a Voodoo Priest or Bokor. Even before reading the Wikipedia article I knew that puffer fish toxin (tetrodotoxin – I had to look up the spelling) was claimed to be the agent behind the trance-like, pseudo-death state of the traditional Zombie. Voodoo zombies were creepy, menacing, especially when horror icon Bela Lugosi starred in 1932’s White Zombie. But they were vastly different than the ones we kill in video games today.

None other than horror great H. P Lovecraft is credited as helping define the zombie in pop culture with the first recorded zombie bite (“In the Vault”) and zombie attributes (Herbert West – Re-animator). But really; it was the master George Romero who created the modern cult phenomenon with his seminal 1968 Night of the Living Dead.

In my previous post I pointed out that Romero never called them zombies. In the films, they were always called “the creatures’ or “those things”. In the script, notes and conversations Romero called them “Ghouls” (which honestly, is more appropriate). He laid down the ground rules, most of which we still abide by.

Zombies are:

Animated corpses
They hunger for and consume human flesh
They may be destroyed by destroying the brain, (or occasionally by fire)
They can infect you with a bite.

Also covered in my earlier post was the note that it wasn’t until 1985’s Return of the Living Dead that the zombies first spoke, and developed their hunger for brains. The ROTLD series was originally envisioned by one of Romero’s partners from Night of the Living Dead. When they parted ways the partner (John Russo) got the rights to the title “… Of the Living Dead” and Romero got “… Of the Dead”

They are dead, yet they evolve and grow

Finally in the past decade, zombies (and the zombie-like infected of the 28 days later variety) have gained faster locomotion – The bastards can RUN now! I once asked a friend of mine if she preferred fast zombies or slow zombies; a question akin to asking which is better, Star Wars or Star Trek. Her response was “Fast zombies for watching, slow zombies for fighting”.

Brilliant.

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In 1990 the authors of my all-time favorite Vampire novel (The Light at the End) edited an anthology of Romero-inspired zombie stories that is regarded as the genesis of a distinct literary subgenre. Zombie Fiction. Whether it is World War Z, or Pride Prejudice and Zombies (Both slated to be movies soon) or anything from the genre-specific Permuted Press; Zombies are big. BIG. Now, the Inevitable Zombie Apocalypse (IZA) has entered the public’s gestalt. And here we are today. Zombies are everywhere, in books, movies, television, and most definitely inside your computer! They have even blurred the lines between fact and fiction, becoming part of an academic exercise at a college in Florida! I know, I have posted that before… but it is JUST SO COOL!

Do I really believe that animated dead are going to (inevitably, eventually) roam the streets in search of human flesh? Do I believe that “Bitey Corpses” will rise up and end humanity?

I almost hope so! Almost.

But seriously folks…

I have read articles suggesting both sides of the argument. The IZA is scientifically possible, andextremely unlikely, and silly; but that’s not really the point. It is fun, escapist fantasy. It is fun to think about, even to “plan” for. Planning for the IZA has become a social phenomenon in itself. There are sites and forums all over the web. And the person to blame for all of this? Mel Brooks’ son Max. Max wrote The Zombie Survival Guide. Brooks’ guide was a satirical look at how to plan for and defend yourself against the Walking Dead… It was so well written that some people didn’t get the joke! Brooks followed that success with an amazing novel World War Z - the movie rights of which were fought for by both Brad Pitt’s and Leonardo DiCaprio’s production company. The book was beautiful; the audio book was terrifying and entertaining… I can’t wait for the movie! – But I digress. Whether the Inevitable Zombie Apocalypse happens or not; isn’t it good to be prepared?

I have a plan, I have several plans. I have always had plans.

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In the IZA, everyone will have a part to play. Mine is to live, survive and thrive. I’ve been told that the difference between living and dying is your plan. I have a plan, I have always had a plan. When I was a much younger man I read a lot of post-apocalyptic fiction, and a ton of “survival” books and magazines. I didn’t know if our downfall would be brought about by a Nuclear, Biological, or Chemical catastrophe… or something else entirely. Did you know that one of the tenants of the Mormon Church is to be prepared for the apocalypse? They are required (or at least strongly encouraged) to have a minimum of one year’s supply of food on hand for their family. You can use this handy calculator to figure out your requirements, or buy the kit whole (from Costco?). When I went on the road 22 years ago, I sold all my guns, got rid of my food supplies, and stopped reading some of the silly books I used to. Nowadays, I’m not really worried about it. But also nowadays, I have more to be concerned about. I have two people that it is my responsibility to protect, and keep safe and healthy. Does anyone remember Hurricane Katrina? People were starving, sick and dying… because they had no plan, no preparations. Of course there isn’t going to be an IZA… But, just a few years ago a family on the way back from thanksgiving got stranded in the snowy mountains of Oregon, and the father died, while trying to get help . I wish this brave father had the kit I am putting together in the back of my truck with him. I’m just a little “Boy Scout-y”; “Be prepared” is a fine motto. Also; if the Zombies do show up, I will be ready bitches!

The first step is; know your enemy.

Pirates and ninjas are scary… but Zombies are terrifying! Whoever heard of a “Ninja Apocalypse” anyway? I’m fascinated with Zombies - also referred to as “Zack”, “Zed”, “walkers” “Shamblers” or the “Walking Dead”. Like everyone else, I fell in love with the creatures all the way back with Romero’s black-and-white classic. I have even spoken to, and exchanged emails with Kyra Schon the adorable/creepy little mother-eating daughter from that film. She used to date a friend of mine. As good as “Night” was, my favorite will always be 1978’s Dawn of the Dead. There is a lot of subtle subtext to all of these movies; was Night a monster flick? Or was it a wry observation about racism in the sixties? Was Dawn a horror film? Or was it a condemnation of our rampant greed and consumerism?

Practice your response

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In the military, they drill you constantly so that when a crisis arises, you don’t have to think, just respond. Yeah, I’m not gonna do that. Unlike hard core survivalists, I’m not running off to Montana, living in a shack, and wrestling grizzly bears naked (citation needed). I have a small, but ever-growing arsenal, and I like to go shooting with friends from time to time. I have few days’ supplies and gear in the truck. Eventually that will expand to a two-to-three week supply of stuff to get me and my tribe out of harm’s way. I think I have Heather convinced that we should build an earth-sheltered home and retreat, but as for employing my own army of zombie-killing babes… not so much. She can be so unreasonable at times. An interesting note about that Anti Zombie Army photo: The girl in the upper right corner is Rachel, a machinist for a high-end custom gunsmith. HAWT! Really though, when push comes to shove, it’s like the old joke says: “I don’t have to be faster than them, just faster than YOU… and I WILL cheat (see plan b!).

In the end though it is all fun and games – until it isn’t

Short of the IZA, I read books both obscure and popular. I watch every Zombie movie in the world, and I play some Zombie games. Even in my favorite non-genre Xbox game, Borderlands, there’s an entire Zombie themed expansion pack. Of all of the games I have played, it is the Left 4 Dead series I love most. You are part of a team of four survivors trying to escape being eaten. Not a lot of strategy, puzzle solving or tactics… just run, gun, and don’t get eaten. I found a photo on the internet, where you can turn the tables on the Zombies; Left 4 Dead 2 COOKIES!!!! Left 4 dead is everywhere, Zombies are everywhere… or are they supermodels?

They’re everywhere!

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Zombies and the Inevitable Zombie Apocalypse are ubiquitous. They have gone from a fringe horror subgenre to an important part of our Jungian subconscious. Zombies have touched our children and not in the creepy way. They can be cute, horrifying and commercial politically charged and referencing both a failed European government and a washed-up comedian. They can sound a clarion call to address our national drug policy, or even cross cultural boundaries as a warning to us all… and by the way – that rant is so much funnier if you look at the photos I have chosen for it. They are also, a passion, an entertainment, and the subject of today’s hopefully amusing journal.

The end is nigh.

Whether you call them revenants, zombies, or the walking dead, they have always been with us. As plot device, or the boogie man, as an intellectual exercise, or mindless entertainment you should know what you face. Be prepared, have a plan, and care for your loved ones (and yourself) first… part of my plan in fact means ensuring the gun gets into the hands on my “Dead-eye-dick” wife; that girl can shoot! Have fun, even when you are preparing for rough times… and in the end, may you not go out like this (see photo)