As part of this month’s journal I’m going to answer a question about FAME and its “frenemy” PRIVACY.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still going to write about my life, still going to tear back the ever more thin veil and tell you about where I am, what I’m wearing, how late the journal is… it is kind of “meta” really. As I discuss privacy I will be once again sacrificing my own, and that of my daughter.
SO the question: What is the price of FAME or rather… what is its cost?
Scarlett takes a break at the picnic
So of course I’m late, TV’s on, and oddly I’m dressed. It is noon in the loading dock in Minnesota. We’ve celebrated being here a little already. We’ve brought Scarlett to the cook out of a great set of fans-who-have-made-the-transition to friends; Larry and Tracy Pogue. You’ll recognize Larry as the amazing salesman who works Johnny Phoenix’s DVD and Hot Sauce cart, and you’ll get to know Tracy much better as she will be our interim Chapter head this year at the Minnesota Renaissance Festival. At the cookout, Scarlett tired herself out.
I originally posed the question about fame to myself, in the guise of being asked by Leno and Letterman… though it was early enough in my “career” that I might have been asking myself in Johnny Carson’s voice.
This has been an interesting mix of busy as hell, and relaxed. The family is on a pretty strict budget; not so much because we can’t afford to spend more (I actually said to Heather yesterday “We’re not poor”. “I know that, silly” was her reply), but because we’re trying to ensure a better future by paying off our few remaining debts. The majority of our time is devoted to staying right here at home, working out at the gym across the street - I’ve lost six pounds – taking Scarlett to the kiddy pool (which she refers to as “Beachy- beach”) and catching up on movies and TV. The “busy” comes in when you consider all the travelling The Tortugas have been doing lately, as well as the frenzied scurrying about that comes from running so many different business all at-the-same-time.
SO sitting on that mythic couch, being interviewed for the first time Johnnie/Dave/Jay asks me “Ronn, what is the cost of Fame?” and I reply, “It means you can’t pick your nose in the car anymore”
The travelling has been exhausting, and we’re only half-way through. We were looking to fill the ten-week gap in our schedule this year, and fill it we have: With three weekends at the Silver Leaf Renaissance Faire, (completed), Two weekends at the Bristol Renaissance Faire (we depart tomorrow) and finally being flown out to Phoenix for a (I kid you not) sweet sixteen party.
Now don’t get me wrong; Not picking your nose is not the PRICE of fame… I’m not sure I know what the price is, as it certainly varies from situation to situation. But the loss of privacy (like the ability anonymously root for boogers in public) is certainly one of the costs of fame.
When we planned our summer of commuting we (and by “we”, I mean “I”; I take all the blame) erroneously believed that it was an unsavory but not unmanageable eight hour drive from Minneapolis (where we’re all grouping to get ready for our next full-engagement gig), to Battle Creek MI, the location of Silver Leaf. But it is in fact ten hours.
Ten hours
Chicago traffic
Traffic buster mobile
The first trip was the worst, we left before the dawn to ensure that we arrived in time to get our package: passes, comp tickets, schedule and whatnot. We also made the mistake of following the GPS directions THROUGH Chicago traffic. The upside of this was that we recorded a very humorous video (later uploaded to YouTube) while risking death in the metro traffic. The downside was that after an hour of that standstill, I wanted to KILL EVERYONE, and I even know exactly the tool I wanted to use to do it (see the photo!).
I’m also not asking, in my Carson/Leno/Letterman query, what the benchmark or ruler of fame might be; for me it would be watching an interview show and having some celebrity I respect – Anyone from Megan Fox, to Eddie Izzard, Natalie Portman to Jon Stewart – mention me, or us admiringly, by name.
Silver Leaf was… “_______” I’m not sure what to put there; What I CAN put there. It was work, it was humbling, and it was a little bit of fun. The management was awesome, the weather and crowds… less so. If I had a miserable time, I couldn’t and wouldn’t tell you because this journal is open to so many people. I’m smart enough to know, in the Twenty-first century, that there IS no such thing as PRIVACY. And I certainly shouldn’t expect any. I’ve joked for years that I could never run for office, and God-forbid I ever commit any really heinous crime… THINK about what kind of video footage of me exists out there in the world. No, seriously. Think about it. And I’m not saying Silver Leaf WAS bad; we’d go back next year. We’d go back smiling! (And praying for better weather!)
The oddest thing about my “cost of fame” answer is how dated and irrelevant it is. I was formulated before YouTube, Rodney King’s video-taped beating, and “reality” shows from Survivor to Jersey Shore.
We should write a show about..
At the buffet
Check out the specials
This is...
Find beauty everywhere
A moment of levity
Rainy final Saturday
We loved the nearby Casino to Battle Creek, eating there one night each weekend. We discovered a slot machine that was clearly our destiny. Ate yummy buffet… a little too much, and though we originally planned to stay at least ONE Sunday night, we ended-up driving home each Sunday after the fair, staying awake through the long night by watching DVDs of television shows. We arrived as dawn broke each Monday in Minneapolis. We saw some amusing sites along the way, though if you look at the photos of the restaurant provided, you’ll see that not only does it have an amazing name; it also has kind of a creepy special. On the ride BACK to Battle Creek for weekend two, a detour led to discovering a funny sign, and the creation of yet another video for YouTube. Ironically, and annoyingly, this video is at least as popular on the internet, as anything we have ever done in our 22 year career.
People get fired for what they post on Facebook, a search on Google for “People Picking noses” yields almost 2.5 million sites, include a series of YouTube Videos. If you take naughty photos, someone will upload them, and everyone will download them. Is there such a thing as Privacy anymore?
Our time in Battle Creek had its “pluses” as well. Sometimes you just need to stop and look to find the beauty, the positive right before your eyes. We got to spend time with quality people, both Faire management, and other stage acts. Humor can be found wherever you look, even in a soup can. When faced with a rainy day you can choose to embrace the droplets on your face.
Privacy is a commodity that is eagerly traded away, as is dignity and self respect;, all for FAME, or “Fame” or even sometimes fame. Don’t believe me? Watch any episode of “Real Housewives”, “Jersey Shore” or “The Kardashians” Where would those girls be without Kim’s “leaked” sex tape?
Our damp stage mates
Old friends who came to visit
And then the blue skies
Ahoy, it is the Ocean of Silver Leaf
The final Saturday in Silver Leaf was rainy. We spent time in dubious shelter with new friends, the members of Wine and Alchemy so, nice, and so much fun to work with. We were also pleased to be reunited with dear friends from when we used to do the Great Lakes Medieval Faire; Linda and Kayleigh.
I can’t even tell you if I am famous. I get recognized. Last week when I went to pick up Chinese food, the guy behind the counter asked for my autograph (besides the one on the credit card you smart asses!).
I thought that I was going to have to describe yet another Renaissance festival as having ended “Not with a bang but with a whimper”, but after a soggy, damp morning an unexpected, and rare visitor showed itself to the Silver Leaf Faire – Blue Skies! Shows were performed, sweating ensued. That night we ate with friends: my old roommates from years ago, and fellow performers, Todd and Allison. In keeping with the theme of “Quest for fame” the diner conversation was dominated by other venues, other portals to fame and fortune we should be exploring… This is a constant quest for more, and bigger. Fame too, is a drug.
These days I sell my privacy, in the fan club, on facebook and on stage. Yet believe-it-or-not I am still a private person. I have shared so much of my life, and my wife and daughter’s… especially here with you paying members. But I draw some lines. I have some rules. The stuff that I publish as “Scaramouche Tortuga” on Facebook is certainly different from what I’ll write as Ronn. Don’t bother asking that guy about his wife and child… Scaramouche doesn’t have those, Ronn does. In fact in the next few weeks I’m going to go through and de-friend folks. Don’t take it personally, but if I don’t party with you IRL, or am not related to you, The Scaramouche FB page and the Members-Only fan club should do just fine.
During the wee hours of our final Sunday, as we slept soundly in our hotel room it rained torrentially once again. We arrived to a sea where the Renaissance Faire should be. Despite that and certainly due to the cooler weather it was the busiest day of the Silver Leaf season so far. Huge, enthusiastic crowds restored our faith in the people of Battle Creek. There was a mud-bog that needed crossing to reach our stage, but the management kindly laid down sheets of plywood creating a navigable path. We finished the shows. We hopefully made a great impression upon fans and management. We changed in the parking lot and drove the long ten hours home – watching classic Star Trek on DVD to keep us awake.
The Cast members of “The Jersey Shore” may-well-be as stupid as they seem. They’re holding up contract negotiations demanding higher salaries, claiming that they can make more in speaking engagements, than the fees paid for making their show. IDIOTS! Without the show, you’d have no engagements. Why did we elevate these talentless, ungracious boobs, and not, say, ME?
Heather and I did manage to squeeze in some “life” between the trips to Michigan; I got a haircut from a stylist/fan here in Minnesota, (shorter than I wanted, but still long enough for the pig tails!). We went to social gatherings with the really cool guy who produces the AZ and NC festivals, we caught up on some movies, and we established a tradition of “Leaving-town-the-next-day” boom-boom. Nice. I might need to leave town more often!
We live in a time where a balloon hoax might well have succeeded in launching a Television career - which in turn was deemed necessary to feed the family’s addiction. Where such august Celebrities as Chyna, Tonya Harding and “Screech” from Saved by the Bell have released Sex Tapes to garner another fifteen minutes in the limelight, And where Justin-God-Damned-Bieber gets to be a star, based on his internet fame.
I posted some questions on Scaramouche’s Facebook page, but I’ll allow “Ronn” to answer them here, you paid for your tickets, you get the rewards:
- What you have done to each other while passed out on beer or other substances... even stuff from long ago. I can only imagine the stories!
We do have stories. We’re not really the type to abuse each other, or even pass out. We have all seen each other in our cups, and more. We’ve seen each other not only hurling, but puking-up colors! We’ve poured each other into, and out of vehicles, beds, and tubs… but the most consistent thing was reaching that point at so many parties, where the three of us blearily confessed not only our love and admiration for one-another, but confessed our secrets and insecurities… it became a joke eventually. “I can’t tell you that until we’re partying someday” became our pa response for awhile. I miss those days.
- What is the first thing you look forward to at each RenFest?
When it used to be Riki and I driving cross-country we would ask ourselves that very question. We’d always mention restaurants, and clubs, even various shopping experiences… but in the end it always came down to the people; usually girls. Now as Heather and I approach the different stops along our yearly circuit, we talk about the places we’ll eat, the sites we’ll see (and avoid). Seasons have become places; “Fall” means leaves changing in Charlotte. Pumpkins, and smells. Moonlight over the orange-leafed trees. AZ in the late winter means coyotes howling at the moon, and the quiet-before-the-storm of arriving at the site long before everyone else. Each place has its own charm, food, and character. We also have friends at each place that we’ve been waiting ten months to see.
- What is it that you treasure most in your life and in all the things that you have done
Meet Bat-Manuel
Bat-Manuel and Scarlett Sun
Yet for all of my dismissive tone and my scorn, I too am addicted to fame. As it says on Scaramouche’s Facebook page, “I’m like Tinkerbelle, I NEED applause to LIVE” and it is true. If I won the lottery today, I’d still need to perform. Even if it wasn’t about the money, I need the audience. I also put this quote on my personal page not once, but twice… because I needed to make sure it was seen, and understood:
“No comedian is on stage to make people laugh, you’re on stage because you’re damaged, and need love from strangers” – Dana Gould
To end, it is time to introduce you all to our newest family member. Bat-Manuel. His arrival story is complicated; part of a set of two that were thrust upon us unwittingly by someone very significant in my wife’s past. “Manny’s” sister is now the pup of “Aunt DaKitty”, and though I swore up-and-down that we wouldn’t keep the tiny, stupid dog, I was eventually worn down by my wife’s completely ignoring me, and my daughter falling madly in love with the wee beasty. I KNOW I’m going to get my ass whupped at a truck stop somewhere walking “the little fag dog”. But for better or worse, our trailer has become even more of a menagerie.
So if you SEE me picking my nose in my car at a stoplight… Please don’t post it on the internet.
It is time to end this month’s journal. Time to do more work for my wife’s boss, run some errands, and pack for my departure for Bristol Renaissance Faire. I’ll do so while leaving you two more things to amuse you… this demotivational poster makes me both smile, and a little concerned. It’s like the really hot Original Series Star Trek babe we Tortugas were drooling over on the way home this last trip. We were so impressed that we looked her up in IMDB, only to discover that this hot, sexy babe, is four years older than my mom! AND finally here’s a link to a video that will keep it all in perspective in the 21st century. Not only is this kid adorable, and damned funny, but with 15 MILLION hits, he’s more widely know than anything I’ve done in 22 years.
Fuck you fame, I’m picking my nose.
Funny, because it is true
