So I’m late, surprise, surprise, I’m dressed (for now) instead of my traditional naked typing, I’m in my favorite spot in Minnesota… and all of that is just BLAH Blah blah.

I have so much cool stuff to tell you, Oh gentle readers, but most importantly – I have two beautiful, wonderful, cool sisters! That got your attention, no?

How did I suddenly acquire sisters?

So I see now that I already explained being in New York, (see last month), told you that Heather’s company was asked to take over souvenirs at the show, The New York Renaissance Faire a mere 60 miles from the Big Apple? It was a great opportunity, but only a little fun. The booth is beautiful We saw old friends and folks we might not have. We were spoiled by the management… We got to experience a whole new show… none of which really mattered to me. We were settled-in back in Minnesota, the drum kids were in Colorado, making us a little money – taking care of business as best they could in this frightening economy. We were at peace. I only really went for two reasons: Jack has been so good to, and for us - I’d do almost whatever he asks us… and far more importantly I just re-discovered my family in New Jersey.

My Father the Failure!

Some background: My father married my mother when he was about 20 years old. He had two sons, and (briefly – she died at only 24 hours old) a daughter. When I was five, and with quite a lot of hullabaloo, and the sort of Drama that would make Springer proud. My father left us.

Abandoned us.

For awhile he paid child support, and though, as will be revealed to you shortly, he was not a very good man; I don’t really know who to completely blame for him having lost touch with, and support for, us over the years. But the plot thickens: Shortly after Mom & Dad’s divorce… some years? He married another very pretty, and now I see very wonderful lady. He made with her two daughters. We were always isolated from, and therefore not invested in, these girls… and I’m pretty sure that was my Mother’s jealous machinations. True to form, my father left those children when the oldest daughter was around five.

Bastard!

Useless people: The second generation

It gets even thicker – He then married another, significantly less wonderful woman who had an (apparently) monstrous daughter of her own. They made a son, they divorced, and “daddumns” intermittently raised that boy to be a spoiled, thuggish, waste of flesh. I do not exaggerate. While I was in Charlotte this year, this fine fellow (the boy, not the father) was arrested for robbing the same CVS pharmacy, twice, for Oxycontin…

While his girlfriend was in the car… The car which was loaded with drugs from other heists.

The girlfriend, another prize to-be-sure, had recently been forced by family services to give up her baby for the second time - a second baby that is. This time, the nincompoop family lost their kid because they were celebrating her release from rehab, by taking the baby to a bar with them. The child fell off the stool during some drunken antics, in the hospital they found the baby’s bloodstream rich in prescription drugs, hilarity ensued.

He’s in Jail; she’s in jail/rehab/turning tricks… whatever; who cares? I lay most of the blame at the feet of my wonderful father. I have never acknowledged his kid, never thought of him as my “brother” or even half-brother. I have had even less interest in him, than I have in my absentee father.

So when I was contacted on facebook by a woman who said she thought she was my half-sister, I was hesitant, to say the least.

I was, and am, pleasantly surprised, and very glad she sought me out.

We exchanged ever-more-excited emails, talked on the phone for over an hour (she even missed the American idol finale!)

We planned a reunion – which was also to include my cousins, nieces, nephews, etc... But I had to cancel for a construction gig in Pittsburg – a gig which fell through anyway. Then like a sign from the God I don’t believe in – Jack and Heather got the gig in New York, one half-hour from their house!

We met the first time in a pretty cool Italian restaurant, the second time in a Thai place, for meeting three and four we ate at their house… My family, close and (now) expanded sure can eat!

My plan with Heather to rob the San Rio store during delivery time: “You flash your tits, I’ll grab some boxes!”*

So my family now consists of all the usual suspects I’ve written about, lo these many years, and additionally now, Selena, (oldest sister, about Heather’s age) her handsome hubby John, Jacob (the oldest boy), and Nicholas The younger. And Stephanie, who’s also beautiful - both of my sisters are too hot to introduce to my friends! - Her husband Anthony (a big teddy bear) and their fresh-from-the-oven daughter Sophia. I’m amazed, (as is, so it turns out, Stephanie and Selena) at how connected I am to my sisters! I mean, they are essentially strangers – but they genuinelyfeel like family. And, other than the fact that I am on slightly better-than-average-behavior around them, it feels like we’ve always been family, like were truly comfortable in each other’s company.

Scarlett loves her cousins… Almost too much (grin)! Whenever we head over to Selena’s place she makes a bee-line to Nicky’s car-shaped-bed. And you couldn’t ask to be related to more wonderful people… I tell you, I feel like a bit of a slacker; every time we hung out they had another cool gift for Scarlett, and as is evidenced by those gifts, were paying attention to what I wrote about my daughter on facebook. Heck, Scarlett even got a command performance rendition of the theme from “The Backyardigans”

Scarlett just tried to stuff bits of rice cake up the puppy's butt! Carmel, if you're curious... parenting is fun!*

(…Now I’m just cheating, the title above was taken from my facebook page.)

In fact, the only thing I can say BAD about this whole “acquiring another family” experience is that now I have to remember more birthdays, more Christmas gifts… and like Selena said, though we were only there for three weeks, when we back in Minnesota, “…It sure felt weird not to be having dinner together this week”

I got both sisters to come visit the New York show, (thank girls!) and bring the kids - though they haven't seen ME work yet. This is Jake, read his shirt; tell me if he’s my relative or not!

The original plan was to have Selena and John come get “wowed” by the craziness that is Minnesota, but family and economic responsibilities have made the NEW plan to be – My beautiful sisters are coming to North Carolina baby!

No, you can’t talk to them

No, you can’t hit on them, they’re happily married to great guys, and I’m taking the “older brother” thing seriously, I have many years to make up!

Heather made crepes for breakfast today wearing only a thong, and a wife-beater shirt; displaying a sexy domesticity that is both white-trash and exotic!*

(Also from Facebook)

In a rush, we returned to the Midwest, where I could relax in all the open space. Heather had a mad dash to set up her new booth; Kristen once again babysat our angel –

I want to specifically thank Minnesota chapter head (and dear friend) Kay Kinsey, and herhusband Chad Kinsey, for the invaluable help they gave my wife in setting up her booth. Without you guys, her head would have exploded!

Finally, it was opening day. The booth opened, We made it to morning meeting to be greeted by friends and jousters… we had a fantastic opening, fun shows (faulty sound systems notwithstanding) we drank, we were extremely R-rated… the best of times.

 

I'm watching "17 Again" - I think I totally have a boy crush on Zac Effron!

(Also from Facebook – See note below)**

Our original plan was to take off the first week. Unplug the phones, turn off the computer, and just watch season one of the Old-timey TV show “The Wild, Wild, West” - Can you believe my silly wife thinks that James T West is hotter, and cooler then James T Kirk? How can she be so smart andso wrong? – But that plan went rapidly by the wayside. There are journals to write, parties to attend business meetings… We were invited to the mansion (no really, M-A-N-S-I-O-N!!! his garage is bigger than Jef’s whole house) of one of the original owners/investors of the Carolina and Arizona festivals. To call the place swank, or big, or expensive, is to call a Lamborghini a car. We have friends who are FAR bigger deals than we are. Scarlett was really only impressed by the puppies, the fountain, and all of the marble she could run on.

We also got to reconnect with our dear friends The Millers, and the ever beautiful Kathy. Byron and Arlene’s son Malcolm is almost exactly a year younger than Scarlett. She gets to have a little brother, without all that messy Second pregnancy, paying-for-another-kid thing. We had sushi sailing by on boats.

MMmmmmm!

Sushi, pretty girls, adorable babies and truly amazing friends… I think the only thing that could have made it better was if my sisters had been there too!

Oh, and if it had been free!

Scarlett’s awake from her nap; all of my photos have their stories told, this month. Twinstock was a success last week, and I’m looking forward to another great time performing in just two days. Kristen’s gonna watch the baby so Mommy and Daddy can go to a movie… It is time for me to sign off for now!

I hope you’re having as wonderful a life as I am!

* Don’t look for any applicability between the chapter titles, and the chapters themselves. It is intermittent, to say the least. However most of these statements have been said in our household.

** Don’t be offended if I don’t accept your friend request on Facebook or Myspace, or if I do, don’t feel compelled to write, post, or comment on everything I do… I really am a private person, in my own, weird way.