I guess I should cover my Naval career - it also seriously steered me down the path.
I joined in 1984; I went to Boot Camp at the Great Lakes training facility in Illinois.Here's me fresh at of Boot Camp. Because of my Test scores I could have done absolutely anything I wanted. I chose advanced electronics training for weapons systems on submarines. I had this fairly common belief that there was a "pipeline" that you have to follow in America. You go to high school, go to some further training, get a decent job, get married, buy a home, squeeze-out some spawn, get old, retire, and die. I goofed-off all through high school. Between bad grades (caused by boredom, laziness in school, and a 40 to 60 hour work-week after school) and frequently skipping and subsequently failing Phys. Ed. I almost failed High school, even though I was repeatedly told about my genius IQ, and obvious intellect. Actually let me share this story with you. I almost failed P.E. Largely because I didn't want to get undressed, and dress for the class. I was raised for a while in a Nudist camp. And anyone who has ever been to a party with me KNOWS I have no aversion to getting naked now. Funny eh?
In Naval schools however, there was a real benefit to getting good grades. The better grades you got, the better assignments you got. Would it surprise you to find that in the Second Hardest School in the US Navy, (I really didn't want to be a nuclear engineer or electrician) in a course that only the top five percent of Naval applicants can qualify for, that I got better than straight A's? In fact, I scored distinction, which is to say I scored in the top seven percent of people who have ever taken these courses. Son-of-a-bitch! The councilors and Shrinks were right!
I was sent to a very old submarine stationed in Charleston, South Carolina, that was the time I moved least in my life - I actually shared an apartment with my wife for three years in Somerville - It seems mystifying to me now to have lived any one place so long.
Some Fun Facts About My Naval Career:
- Because of the Programs I was in my term of enlistment (after re-upping for the bonus, and promotion) was eight years of which I served four-and-a-half.
- I was a Nuclear Weapon Security Guard, authorized to utilize "Deadly Force" - Yes the Navy gave me permission, hell, Required me to kill under the right circumstances.
- I had a security clearance that was above TOP SECRET; in fact; I can't even say the name of the clearance unless YOU have a security clearance.
- I got to travel to Australia and New Zealand, not on orders, but on leave, and on the Military's 'dime'. It cost me $13 dollars to fly to Aus. And I stayed for nearly a month
- I learned the value of applying myself. I learned I could have anything I wanted, if I worked for it.
- I taught myself to juggle while on the submarine. In fact I went to Captain's Mast (sort of like Court Martial, but on a command level.) for Juggling - I was doing it in the Reactor Compartment Tunnel
- I was a Ballistic Fire Control Technician, which means it was my job to repair, operate, program, maintain, and 'baby-sit' the computer that launches Nuclear Missiles. Here's me doing my thing at the MCC (Missile control center), can you find 'Scaramouche'?
- During My last patrol, I was the Battle Stations Supervisor. Which means that if we had gone to war, I was one of the five people necessary to "push-the-button" to launch our birds.
- In training, I have destroyed the world countless times over, and I was good at it.
I had an epiphany (look it up) while I was in the Navy... None of this was Me. I mentioned the "pipeline" before, the road everyone is supposed to walk through life.
I figured-out that there was no allowance in there for fun, no allowance there to have a real life.
I rebelled.
I didn't want to blow-up the world, I wanted to travel, have fun, and make people laugh.
I wanted to 'run away and join the circus'; so-to-speak - let me digress for a moment.
Here's a game I like to play, and have done off-and-on for years. Ask everyone you encounter this simple question: "What are you?". Don't clarify the question; just have people say the first thing that comes into their mind. I have gotten some amazing, and some amazingly banal responses over time. Some people can only come-up with "I'm a human" or "I'm a girl"! one of the best responses I ever got, because it was so simple and yet so all-encompassingly eloquent at the same time was "I'm a mother".
But when asked, most people will define themselves by their job. "I'm a waitress, I'm a salesman" - this disturbs me.
In America we define ourselves by what we do (By "we" I mean "them") and yet, how many people out there are really doing what they want, or are "supposed" to do. I have a secret power. I have something most folks lack. I am doing what I was created to do. I am doing the job, and living the life I am supposed to live. I used to joke that if I had failed to get the jobs at Renaissance festivals, I would have been the funniest waiter at Denny's - but here is the core truth to Ronn Bauman. I am the man I wanted to be when I grew up.
Of course I didn't realize this then, I just knew that what I was doing was completely the wrong path. I have always lived by this (amongst many) simple creed: If you don't like your life, change it, or shut -up. So it was time to make some changes.
I put oodles of thought into this switch. Please understand it was essentially a mid-life crisis, and complete life change all-in-one. I was married, had governmentally-assured job security (still three-and-a-half years on my original contract - pardon me 'enlistment') and credit to die for. Further, I was married, and had the whole rest of my life mapped out. Could I really step away from all that security? I guess there's no mystery what the answer to that was. I decided to step away from all of that, to create a whole new life, and lifestyle. To leap - to give myself no choice but to succeed.
I knew the first step was to get out of the navy. There were three choices, three ways to get out: I could be on drugs, I could be gay, or I can be crazy.
Drugs: okay at the time, I didn't DO drugs, (funny eh?) I quit smoking marijuana when I was sixteen. Also I had to get caught - and that might take time. Worst of all; it wasn't a guaranteed way out. I might have just gotten busted in rank, and sent to some crappy job in the surface fleet - ick! So drugs were out.
Gay: That would have been easy, everyone, my entire life, has been convinced, or at least suspicious that I was (more on that later). But what if they wanted me to prove it? Also, did I really want to carry that title on my discharge papers for the rest of my life? Nawww - Gay was out.
Crazy: Now were talking! I have never had any trouble convincing people that I am crazy. Crazy was simple. And where I was intending to go certainly not a stigma
I made some preparations first; taught myself to Juggle clubs, took that vacation to Australia. Made some contact at the renaissance festival. (I even convinced my then Best-friend to go Awol, so he could get out and be my juggling partner.)
Funny but true: My AWOL friend and I went to the Naval hospital in Charleston. The idea was to lay the groundwork, so I could convince them I was crazy. They committed me on the spot! A month later, I was a civilian. I would be doing a disservice if I didn't mention the following; especially since it contains one of Riki's favorite lines. All of the things, all of the problems I told the Navy shrinks about were true. All of the problems were real. The line that got me committed, and Riki found so charming was when I told the doctors "I know what gun oil taste like - I know what it feels like to have the barrel in your mouth and to know that with just a few more ounces of pressure, all of the pain and failures go away."
"I know what gun oil tastes like - " These were real problems; what I didn't tell the shrinks was I had already dealt with them. That I had already cured myself.
Talk about life changes! I got separated, got out of the Navy (General Discharge Under Honorable Conditions/Medical condition/Personality Disorder), bought a school bus (I thought you had to live in a school bus to tour renaissance festivals), Gave back my expensive car and credit cards, (eventually I had to file bankruptcy) and moved back to Florida to get a job with renaissance festivals.
I had never worked as a performer before, had no idea how or what to do. I just had to succeed. After years of hard work and hardships - it seems like I have.
To be continued....
