Tall Ships Festival

So Andy makes these rules for me when it comes to my journal; get it in by the 25th of the month, don't make it too long or too short... only a dozen photos at most.

I broke most of those rules this time.

On the photo thing I have three choices: conform to the rules (yeah right!), make composite photos so I can sneak in several, or just do a travel journal...

I guess I'm breaking those conventions as well.

I just looked over Riki and Jef's scant journals; I clearly write double or triple of what them fellas do. I don't have my regular computer, and thus the program to make the composite photos, and I have too few photos to make a photo journal, and can't tell the full story with a mere dozen, so Andy will just have to bear with me.

It is a Sunday afternoon, two days late in my Boho attic/garret... Heather is up from below for a Scarlett feeding break, looking HOT and maternal. Who knew that was even possible?

It is another beautiful day at the Colorado Renaissance festival, and the entire clan is sequestered in the John Coiner pottery booth.

 

My garret office

Mommy milk, YUMMY

View from outside

As I mentioned last time; not far from me another Tortuga is supporting his wife, by working a normal job, also like me Jef has been doing loads of construction (check out his journal from June).

This is such a pretty festival (that I hope NEVER to come to again), it reminds me of the way festivals used to be back in the old days... there's a certain, "wilder" feel to this one that I might have enjoyed ten years, one super-cool-wife and one awesome daughter ago... but between not being a star, the inhospitable land and weather, (my kingdom for some moisture and some oxygen), and the absurdity of the management... I LOOOONG for Minnesota.

My empire is chugging along and gaining momentum... Our booth has done both lackluster and startlingly amazing days... Flying the original owner/artist/used-car salesman Steve Turner out to sell a passel of drums, as well as re-invigorate and train my sales staff was a great investment, Heather's been adding some decorative "spice" to Spice Traders Music (website to follow soon!) Things are great.

Jef lives miles away in Colorado Springs, and Riki even farther, like, MINNEAPOLIS!

 

The other gigolo Tortuga

The Spice Traders shop, Colorado edition

Happy, happy, joy, joy...

And I'm both missing my boys, and enjoying the respite.

The early part of this festival was quite hectic, I made a tidy hunk of moolah bustin my ass for Jamie Harvey... and was offered several other construction jobs after he departed (and I returned from Tall Ships) which my wife STRONGLY suggested I turn down (I referred those jobs to Jef), and it was both hectic, and a joy to climb on the plane to fly out to Washington State.

There are a number of "Tall Ships" sail-powered, historical recreations that make a many-year circuit around the states and over the Oceans... for their arrival in Tacoma, the townsfolk threw a huge festival, and invited the Twins to the pirate-themed shindig.

Our flight was painless, despite a stupidly-long trip to the airport... Jef and I drank a few at the bar, and separately went to our seats.

The rental car presented some difficulties, swiftly overcome, and the room was... "seasoned" to say the least.

Before we go any further, I want to receive "mad-props" from Riki, and lamentations from our fans for NOT posting some of the more embarrassing photos from our stay at the Tacoma Comfort Suites... suffice it to say that Riki can wake with some very dramatic hair... but to be fair he has refrained from posting some very uncomplimentary photos of yours-truly, so; tit-for-tat.  [For Riki. For Scarlett, it's tit-for-tot... - AB]

We enjoyed dinner at a near-by brew pub, (interestingly, the only dinner we paid for the entire trip) and several breakfasts at the nearby "Poodle Dog" restaurant (and the famous "Pup ROOM!"). We were across from a casino (which only Jef managed to visit) and deep in the heart of Fife, two exits from the docks and ships.

We worked Friday, thru Monday... and it wasn't quite as bad as it might have been... It was actually a "joy" a word Riki has been using to death over the years, so when we saw it stamped into the iron sea-valves...

We were hired to be something different from the traditional "Sea Shanties", which clearly we were, and were told by the woman who hired us that she expected that by doing so she would be either viewed as a hero, or fired, (and she was okay with either).

Nonetheless, we toned our show down, down, down, and ended up doing pretty-clean and unusually short versions of Both Robin Hood and Sword Fighting and Stupidity. The Sword show was a 4 or so, with 1 being our children's day show, and 10 (or 37) being a Minnesota "R-rated show".

Our stage was huge, and inadequate... oddly situated next to NONE of the tall ships, at the "Tall Ships Festival." We found out later that we were intentionally placed there to draw to the one village without ships...

We were however placed right next to a beer tent, and they were kind enough to bargain with us; if we promoted them during the show, they'd keep the free beer flowing... guess where we spent most of our time!

 

Our stage

Beer garden and party barge

Fourth of July, with ELVIS

There was also a ferry (not "fairy" but go ahead and joke, we sure as hell did) set up for the crews of the tall ships... and us... and there was a confrontation, and drama, and Jef righteous indignation... I hope he wrote about THAT.

Tall ships, drinking Tortuga

Now in the twenty-or-so years we've been doing this crazy job, we've only performed for seven or eight days in the Pacific Northwest... but we DO have a Washington/Northwest chapter head.

Mary Egan was there every day, selling our products, haranguing bar-tenders, smoothing our entry to the tall ships festival as well as bringing some sweet gifts to my tiny tortugette (I thank you, Heather thanks you, and Scarlett drools a thanks too!)

So the event was uneventful, a bit tedious... (We actually had to WORK to get crowds, how annoying!) and long... but there were distractions and diversions, including drinking, Tall Sailing ships, and occasionally Drinking While Watching Tall Sailing Ships.

We also found ourselves on a wild cross-city quest to dine for Our Nation's Birthday... blocked roads, endless GPS recalculations, traffic, cops, scenery, walking even a surprise sighting of ELVIS.

Until after a Frodo-like quest we found ourselves at "The Lobster Shop" a ridiculously nice, and WAY out of our budget lobster restaurant right on the water.

Mary Egan bought us dinner, and for once all of the Twins were very circumspect, and polite... she had to practically twist our arms to get us to take advantage of her generous offer, (and further explain that by us coming to visit her in WA, instead of her having to fly out, get a hotel etc, she was actually SAVING money by buying us this expensive dinner)...

Whatever, Mary.

We had awesome food, (I can now tell you for certain that I prefer Maine to New Zealand Lobster tail).

Had great company, saw fireworks and Tall ships on the water, all-in-all great Fourth, except for missing my family.

 

Our washington chapter head

Lobster dinner with Mary

The following day we ran into some fans (and now friends) of ours from (of all places) Arizona. Davey and June are Coast Guard Auxiliary; on orders (with their swanky 42 foot yacht) from Phoenix to work security for the event. In fact they were looking for US, because as they were mooring the previous night, they happen to hear "...And the Crowd went WILD!!!" from the stage, and knew we were there.

Long-time fans from Phoenix, Dave had even been on stage with us several times (he's got "The Look," what can we say?) They pulled some strings and got us head-of-the-line privileges to visit the Coast Guard's Flag ship The Eagle.

 

Coast-boat, The EAGLE

These ships are... TALL

Posing on the Barque

We saw a line of tall ships, including one we're very familiar with, posed for cheesy photos did a few more shows and then retired to D & J's YACHT!

42 feet, twin engine, named 'The Sand Cutter' (hehehe!)

Riki looked piratical, Jef mugged for the camera, and finally we relaxed and enjoyed the ride.

What a horrible evening, what a horrible LIFE! Coasting down this scenic waterway, beers in hand, with friends and my brothers, watching as everything from fueling tankers and grain silos to Tall Ships and Ted Bundy's High School slip into our wake.

 

Riki on the yacht

Jef, hamming it up

Lesiurely trip to dinner

The Sand Cutter

I called my lovely wife back in Colorado to let her in on our great good fortune, but though she was having a great time of her own (more on that presently) after a bit (it may have been the photo of the yacht) she told me to stop, she was jealous!

As I mentioned before we were VERY familiar with one of the ships present and being celebrated, the HMS Bounty - she'd been moored for YEARS at the pier that Riki, myself, and Jef's wife worked at in Florida, and was used in (at least) two movies... one of which I am leaving Jef to tell you all about - if he doesn't, drop me a line I'll put it in the next journal.

After a very pleasant journey we arrived at a quaint fifties restaurant, (I don't meant to imply that it was a "Happy Days" themed joint, rather that it was probably totally popular in the time period portrayed in Dirty Dancing) where we feasted with the whole Sand Cutter Crew and incidentally we were accosted by a cougar, forced to sing a birthday song and acted as piratical emissaries to visiting Japanese!)

 

The Bounty, Mr. Chistian

Dave and June and the whole fam Damily

Dinner was both filling and paid for by the Tortuga Twins' business card, so alright there! Now meanwhile my poor long-suffering wife wasn't cloistered in our RV back in Denver, instead she went to what has become my favorite restaurant in this town that has otherwise failed to impress me, Domo Wankosushi Japanese Restaurant and Aikido dojo complete with Japanese gardens and Buddha!

She partied down with our neighbors, drum staff and our daughter having a whole new type of sushi, country-style!

She was so impressed with it in fact, that we've now gone two more times, once as my (belated) Father's day, and again as our Drum dinner...

More on Father's Day in a minute.

One of the most interesting things about our Tacoma trip was the constantly overcast sky, so overcast in fact that on the final day we were there, for the few scant hours the cloud cover appeared, the massive, dominating mountain suddenly appeared... it was AMAZING... but for all we knew (and I constantly joked about) they just built it the night before... perhaps that's not a mountain you see behind us, but just a clever prop built by scenic designers to promote tourism?

Finally Tall Ships too, came to an end, and I was home again to be with my much missed and dearly loved family. The first thing I did (when after HOURS of airport circling delays for Jef and I in the air, and Heather on the ground) was count my baby's toes, they are so delectable looking I was afraid that Heather might have succumbed to the temptation to finally bite one off, I know I almost have.

 

If you meet the Budda on the road, feed him sushi

Hey, they built a mountain

Family time

Scarlett's growing like a weed, and very active, and observant of the world around her... she's FASCINATED by our kitties, and London (with a little coaxing by me) was patient enough for her to explore her tail and fur for a bit. It is really charming watching this fearsome, feisty cat be very gentle and patient with my tiny fur pulling daughter.

And speaking of rebels, Scarlett's moving more, asserting herself more, giggling more, jumping more, and shaking her tiny fist at convention - even to her method of sleeping...

She's also discovered the pure joy that IS the Jumparoo, nothing but giggles, and squeals of delight, some of which would shatter the eardrums of anyone less decrepit and deaf than myself, and totally lovely...

She jumps and giggles... until she's done... or passed-out.

 

Rebel baby

The End

Finally, an honest realtor (Sign says "Price Lowered / Market is Fucked")

Finally though I got quite spoiled on the ACTUAL Father's Day, since it had occurred during BonnAroo, and therefore Heather hadn't made as much fuss as she'd like, I got a whole remedial Father's Day which included breakfast, cards, really super-cool gifts (ask me about my new phone next time!!!) Dinner at the amazing Domo, Scarlett's SECOND movie, (her first, a few weeks earlier was Indiana F-ing Jones) WANTED. It was actually a pretty darned good gift too, realizing my wife was hotter than Action-babe Angelina... It was a GREAT Father's Day all around.

And lastly, also to make Andy Blau's shiny head explode, I'm including one more comic from Married to The Sea.

I didn't cover dinner with Washing Well Wenches or dear friends or drum employees (sometimes at the same time), I didn't cover all the Blockbuster we rented, or maintenance to the trailer, or the cool new toys I've ordered... but this IS page five after all!

See ya very soon, writing NAKED from Minnesota next time!