Journal entry 'three':
Okay, so I haven't satisfied my hinting about Ohio's incident, or my secret identity, So I guess I will now.
I have been a performer in this crazy field for fifteen years or so now, and I have interacted with LOTS of people, with lots of different results. We watch our picks (that's what we call the people we pick from the audience) we usually have them picked out long before you the audience suspect. Sometimes we picked them before the show even starts. But we do watch them, make sure they're playful (no too playful though), and that they will react well on stage. We make mistakes; people that are too drunk or too rowdy, people that just freeze-up when in front of the audience. People that have even passed-out and one fellow that stormed-off stage due to his religious beliefs, We have nightmare scenarios too that haven't (thank God) come to fruition; e.g. it's only a matter of time before one of us (probably Riki or myself) gets punched or slapped, we really do pick the big scariest guys, and I really do cross a lot of risky boundaries with both "Granny" and "The Wolf" in the Wolf show-surly drunk bikers do not always like having their nipples manipulated by the little sissy-guy, and not every man wants to see some stranger with his head on his girlfriend's chest in front of a thousand people. Riki has been smacked, but (mostly) playfully by "Maid Marion" a few times in Robin Hood. But (knock wood) so far nothing too serious has befallen us. I guess my least favourite reaction so far (though the incident I mentioned with the married, Christian, Looney who balked when asked to "marry" "Marion", and was really offended when told to pretend he was Mormon comes close) was the beautiful, timid, mousy, woman, who spent the whole show apologizing to her horrendous Guido husband in the audience. Apologizing to him for getting picked. He merely fumed and glared at her. Very uncomfortable for me.
There is a statistical surety that gives me the willies; The Boys and I have been doing this stuff for (more-or-less) fifteen years. At five shows a day, ten shows a weekend, anywhere from 30 to 45 weekends a year, (300 to 450 shows), minimum three cast members per show- 900 to almost 1400 people a year on stage, fifteen years that's as many as 21000 people we have touched, literally. Now here's the creepy part. With that large of a sampling of the human race we HAVE to have chosen someone, several some ones even who has murdered a human, Statistically we have chosen several rapists, several dozen child abusers, and spouse abusers, Of those 21000 people how many have died in horrible car accidents or were at the same time we were performing with them on stage were riddled with terminal cancer. That's simple MATH! (Yikes!) To be fair, we have also, statistically chosen War heroes, and others who save lives like doctors and EMT's, we have chosen loving fathers and hard working mothers who are raising healthy, loved children, but, I am fascinated by the "Dark Side" which is perhaps part of why comedy is so much of my make-up. There used to be a Serial killer and torturer named Bob Bardella. Bob drugged and chained and tortured young boys in the Kansas City area, imprisoned them in his home made dungeon, committed atrocities on them, until he tired of them and killed them. Bob Bardella was a frequent attendee of the Kansas City Renaissance Festival, just a few years before we started working there. Riki's most morbid thought; we like to pick very average, non-descript white guys for "Robin Hood", Jeffery Dahmer fits that bill, He was still hunting in the Milwaukee area when we were working at the Bristol fair - we could have picked him, did we?
I have these dark thoughts, but most folks are basically good. While we may have these occasional morbid concerns we have by-and-large gotten nothing but positive feedback from the folks we have chosen as our picks, but even I was surprised at what happened in Ohio. I was summoned early one morning by the entertainment director, there was a very, very, irate patron (thank heaven) detained outside the front gate. Why was he detained by two armed police officers? Because his stated desire was to come inside to punch me out!I am always the one getting in trouble; I am the one finding "the line", and frequently crossing it. I am the one with the foulest temper, I am also the one of the Twins that is most driven, with the most intensity. I walk the line, and I pay the price but Jesus, why can't perfect Jef be the one to get in trouble sometimes?
When my boss came with this news, My first concern was to make this problem 'go away' Both so we weren't blackballed from this fair, (I am always trying to think of furthering our profession) and to try and smooth this patron's ruffled feathers.
I read Gene Simmons Autobiography recently; this brilliant, driven, man confirmed something that I already knew: You guys, the Fans, are our bosses, Whether you're a rock-star packing stadiums, or a comic packing festival audiences, without happy, smiling, people in those seats, performers are nothing. I have a responsibility to each and every one of you to make sure that you have a good time. That you smile.
I went to meet this guy; two armed police officers were (thankfully) standing by. He threatened me, sworn that if the cops were not there he would have beat my ass right then. This fellow had a good two inches and forty pounds or more on me, and he was furious! There was actually a moment there when I thought that the two police officers were not going to be enough.
As I said, I tried to make this angry man happy, to explore what we had done, and why,I bent over backwards to try and diffuse this situation, I asked this fellow repeatedly what I could do to make this situation better for him. I explained that we were clowns, nothing more. In the end there was nothing I could do, I left after he threatened me a few more times, it cast a pall on my whole weekend.
Now what great transgression did The Tortuga Twins commit? What did I do on stage that so offended this Neanderthal to the point that he wanted to pummel me?
I put a dollar in his wife's top.
This guy has some serious issues.
Now I am going to answer all the questions rapidly because this whole thing jus makes my stomach roil:
- The woman was playful and fun on stage, no 'star', but not reluctant
- The man wasn't even at the show
- All of the staff at the Great Lakes Medieval Faire were completely behind us. Both for the conciliatory, and professional way I handled the angry man, and because several members of the staff were actually in the audience for that particular show - and found nothing for the fellow to take offense at.
- I seriously considered letting the guy hit me, in front of two cops no less, I have friends who are GREAT lawyers; I can sue like a motherfucker too!
- Even the cops were supportive, they actually wanted to pound this bozo after a while.
It was the consensus of everyone I spoke to, that the woman was not offended until her husband's friends gave a slightly distorted version of the story, then she adopted the whole "I was so offended" thing to shift his anger from herself to me. Whatever.
One final secret, if you haven't noticed yet, I announce a question I am going to answer in the next journal entry, and then don't until the one after that' so looks like you have to wait for the secret identity! Thanks for stopping by, now get outta here you crazy kids!
