Both endured and enjoyed; mostly endured.

Let me start this month’s journal of by bitching.

Scaramouche, (Originally Italian Scaramuccia) was created by Tiberio Fiorillo who lived 1608-1694. The character has had many pop culture appearances including no-less than four movies. Queen wrote the rock song Bohemian Rhapsody in 1975. That’s 300 to 350 years later! Stop asking me if I can do the damned “Fandango”. Actually, go ahead if you must; it just disappoints me. But now that you have read this YOU know that a fandango is not just a stylized, flamenco - style dance, but also a synonym for “a quarrel”, “big fuss”, or “brilliant exploit”. So yes, I can, and DO “do the Fandango”.

We’re in our normal KC campgrounds…

Campus RV is located in Independence MO. I’m naked, of course. I was ruminating earlier as I took the trash to the dumpster how, because of my Florida upbringing I think it is perfectly normal to be outside shirtless all the time. Let me clarify; I’m naked, in the trailer! Heather is struggling to get our progeny showered and dressed for an impending photo-shoot. I’m intermittently working on this journal (only two days past deadline!) and goofing off on the internet.

Last month’s journal ended while we were still in Georgia and before the “Day of Disappointments”.

The Tuesday after I submitted the last journal was very trying. It came after a long, hot three-day weekend; part of a series wherein not only were we hot and sticky, but the power to my RV was very tenuous. It necessitated some fancy footwork to get our AC to function. To make matters worse, we had ordered a trailer from a wholesaler in Southern Georgia and scheduled it to be picked up on that Tuesday after Memorial Day. When I called to confirm the pick-up I was informed that the trailer was still in the factory, and wouldn’t be available for ten MORE days. I was scheduled to be in Wisconsin by then, and the trailer needed to go to Colorado with my drummers in just four days. But the let-downs kept coming… Heather’s clothing line, initially accepted into the Georgia show was denied later that day by apologetic management; mostly because the other clothiers whined about the competition. Grrrr. AND, we thought we’d found a buyer for all of the stained glass we no-longer sell at Renaissance Festivals. We sent the lot of it (at quite some expense) to the tiny, little show in Oklahoma. The Castle at Muskogee was kind enough to waive the booth fees, which is good because we ended-up losing money anyhow. A buyer for the glass at wholesale would allow us to get out from under it, and to avoid having to bring it back to Minnesota. Though we thought we had a deal, that too fell through on the Day of Disappointments.

The final week in Georgia was one of my most hectic weeks.

Wednesday June first I jumped in my truck and transported our two swanky, new rose coolers up to the site at the Carolina Renaissance Festival for the rose business we run there. I had to leave Hotlanta later than I would have wished; not only so I could get Riki’s assistance unloading them, but so I could also coordinate with our costumer and “Cart God” Brian Holloway while I was there. I returned home around midnight, got barely any sleep, and was up before dawn to make an even LONGER trip to South Georgia to pick up my new drum trailer. It’s amazing; all you have to do is threaten to cancel the sale, and demand a refund, and dramatically, they find exactly the trailer you ordered! I finally returned home late Thursday night and watched my munchkin while mommy enjoyed movie night. The next morning I had a business meeting with the owner and management of the Georgia fair – more on that in a minute – and finally scooted off to the Georgia Meet and Greet.

Once again it was bowling, pizza, and laser tag with fans and friends

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The Georgia Meet & Greet is smaller than some of the others, but it also features some of our most devoted fans. Some of which even have special clothes made for the occasion - I apologize for the blurry photo. The bowling? Fun! The laser tag? Strenuous and silly. Balladium? A hoot. What I most enjoyed was the fine company. This is our fourth or fifth time at this specific location. I think next year it will be time to try something new… how about Putt Putt?

Our last weekend in Georgia was bittersweet

The heat made us slow, stupid, and –dare I say it? – Zombie like Our fans were there if no one else was. Temperatures in the high nineties and four-thousand percent humidity will put a damper, and a damp, on even a Tortuga celebration. We work bigger shows during our year, but we do love Georgia, and Georgia loves us. The meeting I had with the boss resulted in not only a two year contract, but they have arranged it so that the Tortuga Twins will only be passing their hat during the final show of the day. It’s an interesting experiment – we’ll see how it works out.

Even as focused as I am on eliminating debt, I actually spent some money!

There’s a huge convention every year, a gathering of skeptics, critical thinkers and Atheists called “The Amazing Meeting”. This year it is once-again in Las Vegas. My dear friend and former webmaster Andy Blau has been cajoling me for years to attend. Andy’s a friend; enough of a friend that I even made him a special birthday treat. I finally capitulated. It was as much his wheedling (love ya Andy) as the incredible line-up: Richard Dawkins, Penn Jillette, Adam Savage of Mythbusters, Phil Plait, and many more… I even get to have dinner with them hosts of my favorite podcast! I am already suffering “buyer’s remorse” but I am really looking forward to the experience. Vegas, here we come!

We had a lot of packing and travelling to do – and little time to do it.

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Heather had to break down and store all of the Souvenir booths at the GA fair. The drum kids had to break down the booth, pack our swanky new trailer and drive to Colorado, and we needed to be in Chippewa Falls, WI by Thursday. Scarlett did engineer some interruptions while she tried to figure out Didgeridoos, and made Meghan give her a “Lula-hoop” lesson. Eventually the drum kids were packed, and on their way. Heather’s work was done. And, after some last minute trailer repairs, $850 smackers to replace the front “landing Gear”; we too were on our way. We had an overnight stay at an “RV Oasis”, which is a stripped down RV facility at a truck stop; – awesome and easy. Finally we arrived at the Chippewa Valley Renaissance Faire.

We didn’t expect Chippewa Valley to be as good as it was!

We took the job just so we could check the place out. We knew it was small, about 1200 folks a day, and therefore expected small crowds, and small tips for our show. We were pleasantly surprised! We loved the place, and were loved there too. We had lots of visitors from the Twin Cities. We were visited by minions and friends. We’ve already negotiated a deal for 2012 and – barring some shenanigans would LOVE to make this show a permanent addition to our schedule.

Heather made a quick jaunt to Kansas City.

My wife- who is also my girlfriend – is a wonderful woman. There are folks who think that I have married her just for her looks. What they can’t immediately guess is that she’s a talented artist, great mother, funny, smart and a joy to be around (most days!). This trip to KC was to facilitate a spectacular photo shoot for Heather’s “sister” Dakota. Our photographer and friend Ann has been trying to convince DaKitty to come and get shot by her for years, and so have we. I kept Scarlett and the dogs so that Heather could concentrate on coordinating her styling, hair and makeup. The results were beautiful… though Dakota gave Ann and Heather a lot to work with. While Heather was doing her thing; Scarlett and I enjoyed our first time-off from Mommy. We played in the park where there was a teeter-totter shaped like a helicopter. Every time Scarlett climbed into I heard Muggsy/ Ded Bob’s Schwarzenegger voice shouting “Get to the Choppa!” When Heather returned Thursday night she brought with her some DELICIOUS barbecue from a lesser-known joint in “Da Hood” called LC’s as an early Father’s Day treat. People are silly if they think I married Heather for her looks. She truly is one of the most amazing women ever created and perfect for me – AND she’s damned easy to look at. Friday morning after her return; We Tortugas Three did a slew of radio and video promos for the fair in Chippewa Falls including an early-morning appearance on the local rock station.

Now it is time for my obligatory Zombie Reference.

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Somehow, not only have I come to be considered a “Zombie Expert”, but the world seems to be keeping abreast of my obsession, and playing right into it. Wired Magazine Online wrote an article entitled “How to survive the Zombie Apocalypse”. Not to be outdone the US Army now apparently has a Zombie Fighting Field Guide. WTF? Seriously: Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!?!? There is a company that has been selling luxury, underground, survival condos for a while, and they are now marketing more downscale, shorter term survival bunkers to the less well-off. The world is funny, and makes me seem normal. I love zombie fiction. I think I am going to write a Zombie Novel… I have read so much Zombie Fiction lately and I know I can do a better job, tell a better story. It amuses me. I also agree with the writer of the piece on bunkers; end-of-the-world stories are also a great societal reboot, turning everything into the Wild West all over again. But believe me; some of our fans are more committed than me, like the girl with the two zombies tattooed on her back.

Before I end this journal; two more things.

First: I have read back over all of my old posts, and there is no denying it; I am a different person. I am a happy person. I wouldn’t go back if you paid me – not even for a visit. I’m amused and amazed at the changes. Some of them are positive; I’m kinder and more patient than I used to be. I’m more settled, and less strident. Some are less positive; I miss my 28-inch waist! Some of them just flabbergast me. Here’s a great example: I’m not a dog person, and yet somehow, I have two great dogs. I still don’t LIKE dogs… but they ARE my family now.

Second, you’ve seen me speak reverentially about Cracked.com and put links to many of their articles both here in my monthly journal and on my Facebook page. AND you have seen me write repeatedly that I could really learn to hate Adam “Adam Crack” Winrich, Dakota’s not-boyfriend. Well just look at this frickin’ article where not only do they write about the bastardbut they call him a GENIUS. Son-of-a-BITCH! They even gave him top billing over a billionaire street performer who’s gone to SPACE. Shit. I hope he gets crabs. Big crabs. MONSTROUS CRABS! Though if he does, then Dakota might…Which would me that they… Whoa, wait. I can’t even think that way.

I could really learn to hate that guy.

That wraps up June of 2011.

I have another week here in KC, and then off to a lot of work in Battle Creek Michigan. Heather and Scarlett are doing a photo shoot as we speak, I’m sure I’ll include those next time. Bob and I played video games for hours, and much vodka was drunk. Have a great summer; we’ll talk more next month.